


Memory of us

by thiswillendinflames



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Coma, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Married Couple, Mentions of Blood, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-Canon, Spoilers for Book 2: Wayward Son, Spoilers for Carry On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiswillendinflames/pseuds/thiswillendinflames
Summary: “(...) I’m more than scared about the possibility of losing him. For real this time. And I can’t lose him. He is my whole world. My life. My sun.”It has been eight years since Simon and Baz got together, and after passing through a lot of hard experiences, they are still together, happy and living a day at a time. But an accident changes everything and puts Simon's life on risk once again and Baz doesn't know what to do except be by his side and ask him to come back.Baz can't see how worse that could be, until Simon wakes up, not remembering anything about the last years, which include their whole relationship.
Relationships: Fiona Pitch & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce/Shepard, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow
Comments: 22
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 01

**Author's Note:**

> Here I'm with one more fic. I always promise myself that I'll stop writing and focus on other things, but then I think about a plot and I start to write again. I started to write this one in July, but I couldn't go forward, but then in the last weeks I was able to come back and the rest of the story just popped into my mind and I'm very glad because I really wanted to write this.  
> I hope you all enjoy it ;)

Chapter 01

**Baz**

It's raining when we leave the restaurant. A lot. We run to our car but we can't avoid getting wet. Simon almost slips, but I grab his arm stopping him to fall. He just laughs and thanks me. We reach the car already trembling with the cold.

“Even I’m cold.” Simon rubs his hands, and they are very cold, which is hard, he’s always very hot. “Thanks for the dinner babe.” He smiles and I smile too.

“Feeling better?” I ask worriedly.

“Not totally, but I’m getting there.”

Today Simon woke up a bit down. We’re in the middle of December, so that’s normal. In two weeks will make eight years of the fatidical day when Ebb and the Mage died. And when Simon lost his magic. I know he still misses. So, usually this time of the year he gets a little sad and I always try to cheer him up.

“I have an idea of making it better then.” I raise my eyebrow at him.

“I’m liking it already.” He says with a smile and kisses me.

“Not that." He laughs. "I was thinking that both of us should go on a trip together,” I say. “instead of staying at home at Christmas, we could go somewhere. Celebrate the eight years we’ve been together and the six months of our wedding.”

“I’d love that and I definitely want to.” I smile and then I kiss him.

“Great. Tomorrow I’ll see everything then, love.”

I put on my seatbelt and then I started to drive. It’s very dark and with the rain, I’m barely seeing anything, even with my vampire sight. Simon puts his hand on my thigh, some seconds later, I reach for him holding his hand, kissing it after.

The rain is only getting worse, which leaves me tense. I look to Simon and see that like always, he doesn't have his seatbelt on. I’m always telling him to put it.

“Simon put your -” I don’t get to finish my sentence.

I only see a strong light coming to us and then I feel like everything is upside down.

I don't know how long it passes until I'm back in my mind. My eyes are closed and I feel pain in my head. When I'm about to open my eyes, I feel something wet on my face and I know its blood. Because of that, my eyes open in a second and I look for Simon, if I'm bleeding I can't even think how he is.

I scream when I find him.

Simon’s body was pushed through the windshield. His legs are inside the car, but the rest of his body is in the car hood. I take my seatbelt and leave the car.

A small truck hit us. The driver is calling someone, his head also bleeding, but I run to Simon's side and don't pay attention to anything else. I even realize when I start to cry.

Simon's face was full of small cuts. And I can see a big one in his skull. His left arm was at the wrong angle. I guess it's broken. I don't have too much time to look at him because the ambulance and the police appear.

Everyone is worried about taking Simon out of the car and I want to thank them for that. Some of them try to take me to the hospital first, but I refuse to let Simon. I'm crying harder now. I see the concern on their faces and that hits me hard.

What if the worst happens? What if that smile was the last one I'll ever see? What if that was the last kiss we shared and the last time I got to see his blue eyes?

How my life changed so much in two minutes?

*********

I've been waiting for three hours. Simon is on surgery and no one has something to say to me. The cut on my head has been patched and I don't feel the pain anymore. Everything I'm thinking about is Simon.

I called Penny an hour ago, but I wasn't able to explain anything, I just told her to come here the faster she could.

The doctors come and go, but none of them knows anything. Simon's face doesn't get out of my head. All that blood scared the shit out of me. I never saw so much blood like that. I never got so worried like I'm now.

"Baz." I hear Penny's voice.

"Penny." I stand and she hugs me.

"What happened? Are you okay? Where's Simon? He's okay?" She shots one question after the other and that would make me laugh in another situation.

"A truck hit us, Simon was without his seatbelt." My voice trembles and I know I'm about to cry again. "With the impact, he was thrown through the windshield." I see the tears in her eyes. "He's been in surgery since we got here, I don't know how he is, no one knows anything."

"Everything will be fine." Penny is trying to hold her tears. "Simon has been through a lot of dangerous situations and always came out of it alive." She seems to try to convince herself.

"I don't know Penny. It was terrible. And it had so much blood. I can’t take that off my mind."

She can't find any words to reply to me, so she just hugs me again and we sit together. Waiting for anything.

Inevitably I remember the day that Simon defeated the Humdrum. When Penny and I arrived at the White Chapel and we thought it was too late. I remember the feeling of seeing Simon laid on the floor, lifeless, or I thought he was. And the relief in seeing that he was alive. He was so alive.

I also remember our time in America. I can't explain how I felt seeing him on the ground, blood, and bullet holes in his wings. I remember that his wing was broken and I was so empty. I remember how useless I felt. How guilty I was feeling, for trust in that fucking Lamb, and because I hadn’t told him that I loved him.

And if it was scary those times, now it’s a thousand times worse. I’m more than scared about the possibility of losing him. For real this time. And I can’t lose him. He is my whole world. My life. My sun.

*********

I woke up with someone shaking my shoulder and the first thing I think is that everything was a nightmare and I was finally waking up. The doctor's face doesn't let me fantasize any further. I stand and Penny stands with me.

“Mr Pitch.” I try to read his expression but don't find anything. “I’m sorry for leaving you waiting, but we wanted all the information before telling you anything. Your husband has a lot of injuries. He broke an arm, some ribs, a leg, but luckily the spine has no damage.” I sigh in relief.

“He is okay then?”

“He is in the ICU recovering. But he came with head trauma and because of that a brain injury.”

“What does that mean?” Penny asks before I could.

“We don't know yet, we'll have to wait for him to wake up, but this injury could lead to a lot of other issues.”

“He will wake up, right?” I’m more nervous now if that is possible.

“We don't know. We'll have to wait.”

I hate waiting. Nothing makes me feel so powerless as waiting. I can't do anything and I know that, but I hate it.

"You can go see him if you want it." I just nod and we follow him.

The walk seems longer than it really is. I'm so afraid of what can happen, and how Simon is, that I don't pay attention to anything around me. 

We reach a door and the doctor stops and turns to us with concern in his eyes, but he doesn't say anything, just open the door and let us in. I thought that my first instinct would be to run to him, but I just walk in and when I see him, I want to cry again.

The blood was all gone, but his face still had a lot of cuts and bruises. And they shave his hair, I guess that without the hair, it was easier to patch the cut on his skull. I know it’s silly, but I loved his hair, I wished they hadn't cut it. But it’s a small price if it means he’ll live.

I give a kiss on his forehead, and then I pull a chair and sit by his side. It’ll be where I’m gonna stay until he wakes up. I know he’ll wake up.

I hold his hand between mine and only then I realize that Penny is still talking to the doctor. I don’t have the energy for that. I don’t want to know anything else. I just want him to open his eyes and kiss me.

I also don’t see when the doctor leaves. I just feel Penny's hand on my shoulder, she squeezes it, then she pulls another chair and sits by my side, holding my free hand. We don't say anything for a while. I don’t know if we have something to say.

*********

"Baz," Penny breaks the silence, I don't know how long it passes without us saying anything. "you need to go eat something. You will not help Simon by starving yourself."

"I'm fine Penny." It's been seventeen hours since the accident, but I don't feel hungry. I don't feel anything but fear for Simon's life. "But you can go, you already lost your work this morning."

"I'm staying. I called them to say I was not going today. Did you call the school?"

"No. I don't have classes today." I should call them until Simon wakes up I'm not leaving this hospital.

"You want me to call, to tell them what happened? You probably won't be working for a few days. Until Simon is awake and starting to recover." I nod to her thankfully. It is good to have someone who knows you.

We stay in silence for a while again, and I feel Penny's eyes on me and I know she's worried about me too.

"I'm gonna eat something and then I'll stay here and you're gonna eat something."

"I'm okay Penny."

"Of course you're not. Did you feed last night?" I take a second to remember.

"Yes. Before our dinner."

"Okay. So after I come back, you're going to your home, take a shower and feed. I'll stay with Simon." I shake my head but she keeps going. "Baz, he'll wake up and if he sees you looking like this, he'll feel terrible and you know that." I know she is right.

"Fine." I give up and she gives me a small smile.

After some minutes Penny goes to eat something just like she said she would. I'm alone with Simon and have to control myself to not cry again. Soon this will be only a bad memory.

I hope it will.

I look to Simon for the thousandth time, hoping that he'd wake up. I already miss the blue of his eyes and his bright smile. I stand up, leaning into him, brushing my fingers in his cheek, then I run my fingers through his hair. He'll be mad when he sees how it is now.

Some years ago, when I told him how I loved his curls, he said that he hated it when he had to cut it back when we were in Watford. I hated it too. Not that he didn't look hot as always, but I always loved his curls.

*********

Being at home without Simon, and knowing where he is, it’s weird. I try to do everything fast. I take an extremely fast shower, then I put on clean clothes. I don't eat anything, but I force myself to drink because I don't wanna risk it staying thirsty in a place that has a lot of blood.

I'm very grateful for Simon's idea of stocking blood in our freezer, I didn't want to lose time by hunting something, and it's only 6 PM so it'd be harder to hunt in London that earlier. I'm almost leaving our flat when my phone rings.

"Hello." I don't recognize the number.

"Hello, Basilton. I'm sorry for calling this time." I recognize the voice of my boss. "I've received a call earlier from your friend, and I wanted to tell you that you can take the days you need to your and Simon's recovery. We already call someone to stay in your place until you come back. Our thoughts are with you two."

"Thank you. I expect that soon everything will go back to normal and I'll be back to school."

"Take your time. If you need anything call us."

I thank him and turn off the phone. I want to go to the hospital as fast as I can. But of course, that only makes me take the double of the time.

When I get there it's already 7 PM, I almost run to Simon's room, I know that if anything had changed Penny would call me. But still, I want to see him with my eyes.

Penny's talking to Simon when I reach the door, my heart beats faster, but when I get into the room, he's still lying down, just like before.

"The doctor said that in some cases, the patient can hear what the people are saying. So, I thought I could try." Penny explains when she sees me.

"Oh." My disappointment appears in my voice.

"You should try it." I just nod. "Shepard is waiting outside. Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

"No. I'm gonna be fine. Go rest." She hugs me.

"If you need anything call me, okay?" I nod again and she leaves.

I sit on Simon's side and hold his hand and kiss it.

"Penny told me that maybe you could hear what we say to you. So, I need you to listen to me right now, okay? You need to wake up. It's been only some hours since the accident and I already miss you." I feel the tears falling from my eyes. "I need you. You're my world. My life. You can't leave me. So don't leave me, please." I lean to him, touching our foreheads, I start to sob. "I love you, more than anything. I've never thought I would have this, I never thought I would be this happy, but it's not enough, we didn't have enough time. So, come back, come home, to me love." I kiss his forehead.

For some minutes I just keep crying, waiting, hoping for some miracle, for Simon to wake up. But the doctor opens the door and my moment with Simon is over. The doctor checks on him, he tells me something that I don't pay attention to and then leaves again, leaving me with the silence and my tears.

*********

Two days pass like a blur, everything's the same with Simon, and that only makes me more angst and nervous. Doctor Smith says that in part is good because he is not getting worse. He's just not getting better either. The good news is that he still has brain activities so they are positive about him waking up eventually.

I wanted to have the same optimism but it was hard. I want to believe, I need to believe that he'll wake up. But each hour that passes leaves it harder to believe in that, to be optimistic. Penny and I already tried some healing spells too but didn't work. I don't know if it is because his injuries are not magical, or because he doesn't have magic anymore. Either way, nothing worked and we are more anxious and nervous than ever.

"Baz." Shepard's voice snaps me back. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt, I just wanted to say goodbye, I need to go take Penny to her job."

"Oh, okay. She'll come today?"

"Yeah, she wants you to go to your place to rest a bit." I'm about to argue but he cuts me. "I know you don't want to, but she'll try to make you and you know how stubborn she is. So, I'm just trying to alert you."

"Thanks." I go back to my chair on Simon's side.

"I'll see you later then." He taps my shoulder.

"Okay. See you later." I say without looking away from Simon.

"And Baz?" I look to Shepard.

"Everything will be fine, Simon will be fine." I open my mouth, but instantly I shut it and just nod.

"He will, thanks." He nods back and leaves.

Honestly, Shepard was the only good thing that came out from that road trip from hell. Despite the initial problems, he fitted perfectly into our group. And with Penny. They seemed perfect for each other.

My phone rings with a text from Fiona. She is in Spain hunting some vampires, but I sent a message telling her about the accident.

**Fiona (17:37):** I'm gonna take a plane as soon as I can. Try to remain calm, the golden boy will wake up.

**Fiona (17:37):** If anything changes let me know.

I almost cry with her texts. In a moment like that, all I want is someone who cares about me, about us, to be here. If I'm being honest I wanted my mother, but Fiona has been my mother since I was a toddler, so I was pretty happy she was coming. Plus, she has a weak spot for Simon and I know that she'll help him, she should know a couple of spells that Penny and I don't.

I'm pacing around the room when I hear a shuffling behind me, I turn in time to see Simon moving, so I run back to his side.

"Simon? Love?" I call him, stroking his cheek.

My heart flutters when he mumbles something, and then his hand squeezes mine and I don't see anything else because my eyes are drowning in tears. The next second I feel my heart almost stopping for real, and then, slowly he opens his eyes and I'm gifted with the sight of my favourite blue.

"Simon?" I blink sending the tears down in my cheeks.

"What -" He mumbles.

"I'll call a doctor." I almost yell from where I'm standing to not let his hand go, but I drop his hand, carefully, and go to the door. "Please," I say to a passing nurse. "call Dr Smith, it's urgent." She nods and I go back to the room.

Simon is already sitting, with some difficulty, he looks lost, looking everywhere.

"Love, it's okay." I go back to him, but I'm not able to hide my smile when I see him awake. Alive.

"Where am I?" He forms the sentence slowly.

"You are in the hospital. We had an accident almost three days ago. You were in a coma, but you are okay now." I feel the tears running across my face.

"Why - you here?" He is breathing fast.

"Calm down," I say sitting on the edge of his bed and holding his hand, but in the same instant, he pulls away, looking afraid. "It's okay, Simon. Just breathe. It’s me."

"What have you done?" His voice is low, but I listen and I almost stop breathing myself.

"What?"

"I'm here because of you right? You plotted this, and now you are here to finish me, for good." His words are better each second that passes.

"I'm not understanding." I frown at him.

"Get out." He tries to yell and I freeze with the hate in his words. It has been some time since I heard him talking to me with this tone. "I want Penny. And where's Agatha?" It shouldn't hurt, but him asking about his ex-girlfriend while asking me, his husband, to leave it hurts pretty bad. "And where is the Mage?" I freeze again

"Simon, what are you talking about?" I ask him carefully.

"Why am I here with you? Why are you here and not everyone else? And why do you look older? And why am I not feeling my magic?" He looks in panic and I'm panicking too.

"Simon." I take his shoulders and make him look at me. "What is your last memory?" He looks at me with his mouth hanging open, his eyes panicking even more.

"I - I don't know." With my vampire hearing, I listen to the doctor's footsteps coming closer.

"Look, you are in a Normal hospital, and the doctor is about to come in, so don't talk about magic okay?" He looks scared but nods and then the doctor opens the door.

"It is so good to finally meet you, Mr Snow." The doctor smiles at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." He says again.

"Dr Smith," I called. "I think he might be having some problems with his memories."

"Okay. This is normal in head injuries, but we will run some tests. Will you wait outside?"

"I -" I don't want to leave Simon, even though he's looking with hate at me, he looks lost and vulnerable and I want to protect him. "Okay, I'll be in the hall," I say and leave.

I keep walking in front of the door, stealing some glances through the glass. When the doctor comes back, my heart seems about to explode.

"So?" I ask.

"You are right." He looks sadly at me. "His memories are shattered. A good part of his life, he doesn't remember."

"For how long?" He frowns in confusion. "How long until he recovers his memory?"

"We don't have how to know. It could take some days, months or it could never happen."

"You are saying -" I'm trying not to cry.

"He might never recover his memory again."


	2. Chapter 02

Chapter 02

**Baz**

The doctor's words are echoing in my head. Simon might never recover his memories again, which means never to remember us. Never remember how our rivalry ended in the eighth year of Watford and became something so much better and important.

He doesn't remember that I love him or that he loves me. He doesn't remember that Agatha broke up with him, years ago. Or that he lost his magic when he defeated the Humdrum, that was created because of him. Or that the Mage, his parental figure, was a corrupt leader that planned to take my mother out of Watford and killed her in the process. And that Simon killed him, accidentally, when he was trying to save us.

Everything we lived at least in the last eight years means nothing to him now. I just want to lay down in my bed, our bed, and cry. I just want to hold Simon in my arms and never let him go.

The doctor keeps talking but I'm not listening anymore, I just nod to him and go back to the room, leaving him talking to the walls. When I open the door Simon looks up, and despite the hostility in his eyes, I also see fear, for not knowing what is happening.

"Simon -"

"What is happening?" His voice is trembling. 

"We had an accident," I repeated to him. "you lost part of your memory."

"I got that already." He snaps. "How long has it been since Watford? How old am I?"

"Twenty-six." He seems shocked and I see tears in his eyes.

"And where are my friends, the people who care about me?" His look is harsh.

"I care about you," I whisper, but I know he listened. "And Penny is coming."

"I want to talk to her. I don't know why you are here, I don't know why you are lying, but I want you to get out." If it was possible I would hear my heartbreaking.

"Simon -"

"Just get out." He yells and I feel the tears on my cheeks again. Against all my instincts I turn around and leave because he is asking me to and I would do anything for him.

Once I close the door I lean into it and cry. I feel my body shaking while I'm sobbing. I'm so relieved to see him awake, but I never considered that he could come back only partially.

"Baz." I heard Penny before I could see her. "What happened?" The fear in her voice makes me look at her.

"He woke up." She smiles but then frowns, probably wondering why I looked so sad. "He doesn't remember anything about the last years. His last memories are of Watford." She looks shocked. "He woke up asking for you, Agatha and the Mage. And about his magic."

"No." She says. "Is it permanent?"

"They don't know. It could be, or he could wake tomorrow remembering something." She looks through the glass in the door. "You should walk in. He wants you in there, he doesn't trust me."

"Oh, Baz." She brushes my hair and hugs me. "I'll talk to him, explain everything. He'll remember."

I let her hug me, trying to believe in her words. Not believing in how my worries changed so much, in so little time. She walks in as I take Simon’s ring from my pocket, it was delivered to me on the day of the accident, I look at it thinking if someday he'll wear it again. If he'll accept me again.

I walk away from the door, not wanting to hear what Penny will say. Or how Simon will react. I stop some doors ahead, wanting to keep my eyes on his room, and I do what I was wanting. I call Fiona. I needed to hear her.

"I'm on my way." It's her greeting.

"He's awake." I don't recognize my voice.

"Oh, thanks Crowley." She laughs. "I told you he would be okay. The boy is hard to kill." She laughs again but then stops. "Wait, why am I happier than you?"

"He lost part of his memories," I say, repeating my words to Penny. "He woke up thinking we were in Watford."

"Oh." She gets what I am saying.

"The doctor says it could be permanent, or he could wake up tomorrow remembering everything."

"That's good."

"But if he doesn't? You didn't see the way he was looking at me. He thinks we are still enemies, that I'm here plotting to kill him. He doesn't want me to stay there with him." I feel my voice trembling, so I stop talking before I could start to cry.

"Okay, that is bad, but you can't lose hope. And even if he doesn't remember, make him fall in love with you again. You did it once, do it again."

"I don't know how I did it the first time. It always has been unbelievable that he really loved me, and he wasn't going anywhere. I guess I'm just waking from this dream." I wipe my eyes. "I shouldn't be talking like that, he's alive, which is far more important than the rest."

"You have all the right in the world for being upset that your husband doesn't remember you. Not in the ways that matter, anyway. Just don't do anything for now. Stay there by his side, even if he doesn't want to. He doesn't remember his vows, but you remember yours. I should be with you tomorrow." I nod even though she can’t see.

"I'll wait for you." I sigh. "Do you know some memory spells? Maybe it could work."

"Promise me that you won’t try any spells Basilton." Her tone is harsh. "Memory spells are tricky and dangerous even with older and experienced magicians, you could end up ruining his memory for good." There it goes one more hope.

"Okay, I won't." I would never risk Simon's well being. "I got to go. The doctor will run some tests now." I see Doctor Smith going to Simon's room.

"Okay, if something changes, let me know. I'll be there tomorrow." I nod again and hang up.

I take a deep breath and walk to the doctor, and even though I know Simon doesn't want me, I have to be there. I'm his husband, I remember my vows. I'll stay by his side no matter what.

**Simon**

I feel lost. I feel empty. I don't know what is happening. A few minutes ago I woke up with the worst headache of all times, only to see that my world was upside down. Apparently, I was older and hurt. The second is not new, being the Chosen One comes with scratches.

But something was different. I couldn't feel the magic underneath my skin. I couldn't feel that amount of energy that always let me on the edge, about to go off in any second. And it was kinda nice, even if it made me worried.

But the worst of all was to wake up and realize that I lost part of my memory, to feel this weird hollow in my mind, and my friends weren’t even here with me. And stranger than everything else was to have Baz here, of all people. Why was my arch-nemesis here by my side and not my best friend or my girlfriend? He has to be plotting something. It is the only explanation.

But that, however, doesn’t explain why he looked so happy when I woke up and was being nice and a bit soft with me. And certainly doesn't explain why he looked so sad and broken when I yelled at him to get out of the room. Even I felt bad about it. If I lost my memories then I could have forgotten important details like me and Baz being friends, which would explain better.

But why would I be his friend? The mage never would have approved our friendship. Even Penny would alert me about being friends with a vampire. I know he never confirmed it, but I also know he has been a vampire since our fifth year. Maybe I'm plotting to prove that he's a vampire and take him to the coven or the Mage himself.

With so much speculation, my heart hurts more. I close my eyes and lay my head on my pillow. What was my last memory? Everything is foggy on my mind, but I remember seeing Baz and Agatha in the Wavering Woods right before Penny and I being pulled by the Humdrum.

And then I remember being at Watford for the eight-year, and the Mage wanted me to leave, and Baz hadn’t come back, and Agatha was weird. I sigh. It was hard trying to remember things. It was painful. The sound of the door makes me open my eyes and my thoughts go away.

Penny's eyes are red, and once she sees me she smiles and cries, all at once. I smile at her because she is my best friend, and she's here, finally. She runs in my direction and hugs me.

"Oh, Si." Her voice is trembling. "It's so good to see you awake and fine."

"I'm so glad to see you, and it's so weird." I laugh. "You look so adult." She laughs too.

"It's because you haven't seen yourself." She squeezes my hand and my eyes catch the sparkle of a ring. I take the hand and look at her again, smiling.

"I always knew you and Micah would get engaged." Her smile falters and she sighs. "What?"

"I think we have to talk. About your memories, but I don't want to scare you. Maybe it's too much to say it now." She looks away. “A lot happened in the last eight years, and I don't know if you’ll accept everything.” I’m more confused than ever.

“Just tell me, Penny, at least the basics.” She nods.

“Let me start with the easiest then.” I nod to her. "I'm not engaged with Micah."

"What?" I ask.

"We broke up years ago." I'm beyond shocked. "We made a trip to America to visit him and Agatha, but he broke up with me, and in the middle of our dangerous adventures we met Shepard. He is the man I'm engaged with." My mouth is hanging open. (Baz would call me mouth breather.) (I frown thinking about Baz.)

"We went to America? And we who? Me and you? And why is Agatha living in America? And why Micah broke up with you?" My head is full of questions.

"We as in you, me and Baz." She just answers one of the questions, but I'm too shocked to ask the rest again.

"What again?" The surprises don’t stop. "Why in the hell would we both make a trip with Baz? Which also makes me remember another question, why Baz is here? Why was he here when you weren’t?" She sighs again.

"This will be a long story." She takes a chair that was close and sits there. "Do you trust me?"

"What question is this? Of course, I do. More than anyone else." She smiles a bit.

"Great. Then, I need you to trust in what I'll say to you. And to shut up and just listen. Okay?"

"You'll tell me about my lost memories?" She nods.

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"I don't know exactly, but I remember being in Watford for our last year. I fought with the Mage because he wanted to make me leave. And Baz didn't go back to school, and Agatha was acting weird. And that’s all." She nods again and starts.

"That was basically our first weeks in Watford that year. There's not an easy way to say this so here it goes, Agatha broke up with you in these weeks."

"What? Why? It was because of Baz? He came back to take her?" I'm surprised by Penny's laugh.

"No, it had nothing to do with that. Once I finish you'll understand." She squeezes my hand. "Anyway, she broke up with you because she was not happy, and neither were you. You both were just doing what was expected from both of you. You loved each other, but not in the right way, not like you were supposed to." I'm weighing her words and surprisingly I'm not upset about it.

I guess I had eight years to move on, deep down it was a healed pain. Maybe I was in a relationship with someone else. Maybe Agatha was right and we were not happy or in love.

"Keeping on, do you remember that the veil was lifting?"

"Yeah, I remember some people having visitors that year." I don't understand the change of subject, so I frown at her.

"Yes, the visitors were a current presence in the first weeks of the eight-year. One night you got a visitor. It was Baz's mother, she came back looking for Baz, who was still missing, and asked you to tell him that her killer was still alive."

"That is heavy." I try to remember something but it is all black.

"Yeah. Well, you kept that with you, until some days later, Baz came back and -"

"Where was he?" I'm curious, even though in some parts of my brain, I already have the answer.

"I'll get there. Anyway, you told him and you both made a truce because he wanted to find his mother's killer and you wanted to help him. He told us later that he had been kidnapped for numpties and that they left him in a coffin for weeks until his aunt found him." That makes me worried for some reason.

"Wait, so he really is a vampire then? Being locked in a coffin is something that a vampire would do." Penny rolls her eyes again.

"Yes, he is a vampire. And we know that for sure. And no, being in a coffin is not something that a vampire would do, that's just fiction." She says like it was nothing.

"How are you so calm talking about Baz being a vampire?"

"I had eight years to accept. I'm pretty okay by now." She shrugs. "Well, our alliance was strong and we were trying to figure it out who had killed Baz's mother when everything went shit at Christmas." She looks worried at me. “This is the part where you need to be calm and believe in me, okay?” I nod, more worried than ever. “We found out, well, Baz did, that your magic was connected with the Humdrum, basically you created the Humdrum, and every time you went off, a dead spot was created. Once we got into this theory, you wanted to go tell the Mage, and despite Baz and I being against your crazy idea, you went anyway. Meanwhile, Baz found out that the vampire’s attack in Watford that led to his mother’s death and he being bitten was orchestrated by the Mage.” She told me so much information that I don't know what to think.

“What? The mage? But how? Are you sure?” I ask for what surprised me the most.

“I do. It was proven. The Mage sent the vampires to Watford and caused Natasha Pitch's death." I feel betrayed. I always believed in what the Mage said, about who were our enemies, and how we always did the right thing. But he caused the death of a person, and Baz was bitten that day. How many more he could have hurt? "And he was planning to take your magic, unluckily for him, the Humdrum appeared first and you gave your magic to it and destroyed the Humdrum once for all.”

"The Humdrum is gone, for real?" She nods.

"It has been eight years."

"And the Mage?" She takes my hand again.

"He was killed on the same day." It looks like a puzzle fit into my mind. I don't know how to feel.

"How?" She shakes her head.

"I'll tell you another time." I can't shake the feeling that she is hiding something from me, but I let it go for now.

"That's why I'm not feeling my magic anymore? I gave it all to the Humdrum?" She nods.

"You had pretty rough years to adjust it. But you are fine, you accepted who you are now."

I'm quiet. Trying to figure it out my feelings. My thoughts. Penny was right, so much happened. But one thing still didn’t make sense.

"You still didn’t explain why Baz is here." My voice is low.

"Not only bad things came from that Christmas." She shrugs. "I never asked what exactly happened, but you and Baz sorted some things out in those days."

"We became friends?" She smiles warmly at me.

"More than friends." I don't understand. "You were together Simon." She explains.

"What? Together how?" She rolls her eyes, but she keeps smiling.

"Together, together. Dating."

What the hell?

I stare at her in silence. Not knowing what to do with that information.

"We are still dating?" It's weird to hear those words coming through my mouth. She shakes her head and I don't understand why I feel a bit disappointed.

"You are married." My mouth hangs open, and I don’t mind closing it.

"I'm married?" She nods. "With Baz?" She nods again.

"For almost six months."

"No." I shake my head. "You are wrong. I don't -" I close my eyes. "This doesn’t make any sense."

Of all the things she said to me, that was the most strange and hard to believe. We were enemies, in the end, I would kill him or he would kill me. There wasn’t a different destiny for us. Especially not one where we would be happy together.

I keep waiting for Penny to laugh and say that it's a joke, but she doesn't do it. 

"Am I happy?" I ask Penny, who is just staring at me.

"Very much." She smiles.

"And we are, like, in love or something like that?" I feel my cheeks getting warmer. Penny keeps smiling.

"You both are very in love. I never saw a couple so cute and annoying. Don't worry I would never be okay if any of you were in a relationship without love."

"So it's not some plot of his?" She laughs.

"No, relax, he's not plotting anything." She stops smiling and makes me look at her. "I know it is too much. And believe me, I even told you half of it. But those are the things I think it's important for you to know now. And honestly, I think you are reacting better than I would expect."

"Oh, you have no idea of what is in my mind now." I huff a laugh. "I don't know what to think. In my head I was still at Watford, trying to defeat the Humdrum, dating Agatha and fighting Baz, and now - Everything is different, and I feel different." I sigh. "I think I just need more time to adjust." I shrug.

"It's okay, it's what is expected after an accident like the one you have been." I nod and there's a knock on the door.

"Excuse me." The doctor comes in. "I have to take more tests and talk to you." I nod to him.

He opens the door and walks in with a nurse and Baz. He looks embarrassed about being here like he doesn’t know if he can stay. I think I get it. I just told him to leave, but if Penny is right, we are married, so I guess he wants to hear what the doctor will say.

He looks at me, and I can see he is worried, probably wondering if Penny already told me, or if I'll send him away again. Penny stands, leaving the doctor to make the exams, and goes to Baz's side, she slides her arm around his waist and he drops his arm around her shoulders like they do that all the time. It's so weird. Penny never was friendly with people besides me. I feel like I'm in some parallel universe.

They keep looking at me, maybe waiting for some reaction. And then, I see a golden ring in Baz's left hand, I look to my own and see a light mark on the same finger where my ring should be. I guess Penny wasn't joking then.

"Mr Snow, we will have to take more exams, but from what I can see now, you are responding well to all the tests. Your memory seems to be the only sequel of your head trauma. Even so, I want you to stay at least for a few more days for us to monitor you, to see if you won't present another injury."

"Okay."

"And after? After you discharge him?" Baz asks, and it’s so weird to listen to him worried. Especially with me.

"I would recommend that everyone goes back to your lives." The doctor turns to me. "With time you should come back to your job, your routine, it could give your mind a sense of familiarity." I nod to the doctor.

But his words cause another wave of panic in my brain? I had a job? How was my routine? Where I lived? How was my life with Baz? And then I start to go back to what Penny said. 

Why had the Mage done that? He was gonna hurt me, for what Penny said, and he killed someone, maybe more people than we know. I trusted in him all my life and in the end, he was the villain of the story.

And I was not the hero anymore. My power, my endless magic was gone. I was a Normal for the last eight years. I was no one. Penny said I was okay about it now, which means that for some time I wasn’t okay. And part of my brain recognizes this feeling I'm having now. That I may not be okay again. That maybe I never deserved to survive the Humdrum and the Mage. Or this accident.

And I couldn’t figure it out where Baz fit into the puzzle that was my mind. Apparently, we are married, and we got in love at some point in our history. But I couldn’t get there, remember how I fell in love with him. But thinking through my thoughts of eight years ago, I can better distinguish my feelings. I was worried sick because he hasn’t got back to school. Yes, I was worried that he could be plotting, but I was more worried if he was okay. But that is not the same as being in love.

I feel my breathing accelerate. How could I not remember everything? Of Mage's death, or me losing my magic? Something that always was so important to me, the biggest part of me. And why couldn't I remember what it was supposed to be the best part of the last years? Me falling in love and having someone, marrying and having a prospect of a future.

"Simon?" Baz and Penny are by my side, the doctor left the room and I even realized.

"He doesn’t look okay," Penny says.

I try to move but I feel strong pain in all my body. I clench my teeth trying to get over the pain.

"Go easy, you broke some bones, including the ribs," Baz says and I feel his hand on my back. I almost flinch and it takes me a second to remember that he is not my enemy anymore. "Call the doctor."

"No." I shake my head. "I'm fine." I close my eyes, trying to stop my thoughts. I always was able to do that, but now it is so hard. "I just need a second." The flow of thoughts is fast in my mind. I put my hand around my head like I was able to stop it. "I just want to be alone."

"What?" They both ask.

"I'm fine, but I need to be alone." I don't open my eyes, but somehow I know they are looking at each other, considering if they would do what I was asking.

"Okay." Penny is the first to say something. "I think it’s time for us to eat something."

"Penny -" Baz starts but Penny cuts him.

"Let's go." I open my eyes in time to see her pulling him by his sleeve.

They shut the door and even though I know that they are outside, and they won't move from there, I can't contain my tears anymore. I cry for not knowing what is happening and who I am anymore. For the lost years in my head. And then, I start to sob even more because crying makes my body tremble and that hurts.

All I want is to get my memories back or to go back to the time I remembered, where everything made sense. I want my life back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how you all are spending Christmas?  
> I decided to keep this fic going, I'm about to finish 'Letters to Simon' and I did start another one, but I don't know if I'll keep going that one, I'm much more involved in writing this right here, so I'll keep it and see where it'll go.  
> But please tell me what are you thinking so far. Feedbacks are always welcome here, so leave it to me.  
> Thanks to everyone who read it and left kudos on the first chapter.  
> Merry Christmas to you and see you all soon ;)


	3. Chapter 03

Chapter 03

**Simon**

Eventually, I fall asleep. I don't know if I was too exhausted mentally or physically, or both, but in the middle of my crisis, I was too tired, so I gave in to the darkness that was calling me.

My dreams are messy and I don’t understand half of it, and I don’t know exactly what, but something on it wakes me up. I open my eyes and see that it is dark already, the clock on my right marks 3 AM, I slept more than I thought. I look around and see Baz on my left side. He is sitting in a chair, but his head is laid on my mattress, close to my hand. He looks so peaceful, and I contain myself from pushing his hair away from his face.

I'm a bit surprised to see him here. I guess that this is what husbands should do, but it’s still weird. I would guess that he wouldn’t want to waste a night of sleep in a hospital chair.

I try to move but it's hard. My left arm is in a cast, just like my right leg. And there are some wires connected to me and my right arm. I try to sit but pain shoots through my body, making me pant and losing my breath.

"Simon." Baz wakes up and stands. "Are you okay? You need something?" I shake my head.

"I just want to sit."

"Let me help you." My first instinct is to say no, but I'm still tired and I really want to sit so I just nod. "Here." He adjusts my pillow and helps me to sit. "Do you wanna something else?"

"Water." I feel so thirsty that my throat is itching.

He nods and goes to a table close to the door and puts some water into a glass. He comes back and hands me the glass, I think I never saw him in silence for this long.

"Penny went away?" I find my voice to ask. He nods.

"Yeah, she has to work tomorrow." He's avoiding my look, so I think he is embarrassed. That makes both of us.

"You don’t?"

"They gave me some days off, because of the accident."

"What do you work with?" I feel curious about this life that I don't know.

"I'm a music teacher in a school." My mouth almost hangs open. So many things are still a surprise to me.

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow at me. Things didn’t change completely then. "That sounds so normal." I shrug.

"What do you expect? Terrorizing little kids in their sleep?" His tone is sarcastic.

"Only on weekends." He huffs a laugh. "And what do I do?"

"You have a bakery close to our flat." He sits in his chair again and yawns.

"That sounds nice." In my memories, I never even cooked anything, but it really sounds nice. "You should go to sleep in a real bed." He shakes his head.

"I'm fine."

"How did the accident happen?" I ask him after minutes of silence. He looks at me, clears his throat and says.

"We were leaving a restaurant, it was raining too much and it was too dark. A truck hit us, the driver didn’t see our car and I didn’t see him, I just had a cut in my head, but you were without your seatbelt, even though I'm always telling you to put it, so you were thrown against the car hood." He looks like he was reliving the moment in his head, which makes him look scared.

"So, you weren't plotting to kill me?" I try to joke and he laughs again.

"No, Simon. I definitely wasn't." He yawns again. He keeps calling me Simon, and he never did it before, not that I remember. I like this way better.

"Seriously, you should go rest in a real bed," I say yawning too.

"I'm fine." He repeats. "I'm not leaving you alone the whole night." I feel touched by his care. But it's still weird. "You should try to sleep again. Tomorrow it will hurt less."

I don't know what to say, so I just agree with him and close my eyes trying to find some comfort in my pillow.

**Baz**

It's weird to be this careful with my words around Simon. It never was like that, even before we got together, I always had something snarky or insulting to say. But now I don’t have to hide my real feelings. He knows we are married, he just doesn’t remember.

For what Penny told me, he reacted better than expected when she told him about his magic, the Mage and me, or better saying us. And just now he didn’t freak out asking me to leave or not wanting my help, he was kinda polite. But it was weird, I know it's him, but it doesn’t feel like him. It seems he was possessed by someone else. He is not my Simon, even though I know he is, he'll always be.

I watch him sleep for some minutes before drift back to my sleep. Dreaming about our wedding vows and our wedding night, it's easy to forget the reality.

I wake up with a hell of a headache and with someone shaking my arms. I slowly open my eyes and see Fiona standing right beside me.

"This is a terrible way of sleep kiddo." She whispers to me.

I stand quickly looking at Simon who is still sleeping peacefully. Then I look at Fiona and hug her, allowing myself being comforted by someone else.

"Are you okay?" She asks me.

"No." I always try to be honest with her. "When did you arrive?"

"A couple of hours ago. I went to my flat to take a shower and change my clothes and came here. They didn't want to let me come because I was not family." She rolls her eyes. "But with a quick spell, I was able to come." I nod and she sighs looking at Simon. "How is he?"

"He has some broken bones, and is confused about everything, but is getting better."

"And his memories?"

"The last thing he remembers is about being in Watford for our last year. When I was still missing." I explain. "Penelope explained some things to him but I don't know how much. It's a lot to process, I don't know how he's dealing with it." She looks at me.

"And what about you? You don't look like you have been sleeping very well, and have you been feeding? You look paler than ever."

"I'm fine." I shrug. I haven't been sleeping or feeding like before, but I was fine. I am fine.

"You should go sleep a little, he's awake, call the Bunce girl, ask her to stay with him and go home and rest." I shake my head.

"I'm not leaving. I don't care if he doesn't remember or if he doesn't feel the same way, I lived years like this, I'm used to. I won't leave him alone in the hospital even if it is for some hours. You were the one who said it, I remember my vows." She just shakes her head but doesn't say anything else about that.

"I'm gonna go then. If his last memories are of Watford then he won't remember liking me, and it'll only stress him." It still surprises me that Fiona and Simon like each other. "If you need anything call me okay?" I nod to her.

"Thank you, Fi." She hugs me again and then she leaves.

I sit back in my chair, closing my eyes for a second. It is the middle of the morning already, but I think no one came into the room. Simon is still sleeping, but he seems in pain, angst with something.

I take his hand in mine and kiss it. I wish that I could somehow push away his nightmares and struggles. To protect him against his own mind, that would for certain try to bring him down again. Something I haven't thought about it yet, but that right now was eating me alive in concern was his depression.

Simon had to deal with pretty shit things in the last years. I hate to remember how he was after losing his magic, the Mage and Ebb all at once. He started doing fine, talking with his therapist, trying college and a normal life with me and Penny, but then he stopped.

His appointments with the therapist started to be cancelled, and he started to stop going to classes and our relationship was about to end. I hate to think that we could have ended back then. He was so deep in his depression that it was terrifying. And neither I or Penny knew what to do to help. That was the worst.

And that could happen again. I know that all of that is still locked in some part of his brain, waiting to leave again. And now he wouldn’t even want my help. He could want to end us. And I would let him go, especially if it means that he would be better. And happier.

"Baz?" Simon's voice brings me back to reality. "Are you okay?" I don’t know if he is being polite or something else. I just nod to him. "Why are you crying then?" I even had noticed that I was crying. I was a wreck.

"Just some things I was thinking." I wipe my eyes and try to smile at him. "How are you feeling?" He doesn't look like he believes me, but he shrugs and answers my question.

"I don't know. I feel a bit better but everything it's still very strange."

"That's normal." I stand from my chair. "It will take some time until you feel comfortable again." He nods. "Do you need anything?" He shakes his head.

"How did I end up having a bakery?" He seems curious.

"You wanted a profession, and you tried a few things, but everything ended in disaster or you hated it. So one day you started to cook only to pass time, you started with your favourites, sour cherry scones and even though it was your first attempt it was amazing. You began to cook more and you liked it, so you made some classes and I gave you the idea of opening a bakery and even though you were afraid of it, you agreed."

"It's closed now?"

"No, you have two employees, Penny is the one who is dealing with them now that we are here. But they are in charge of everything until you go back." He thinks for some seconds and looks at me.

"What if I can't cook anymore? It was something I learned and I had classes about it, but I forgot. What if I don't remember or I suck at it?" He seems genuinely worried.

"You don’t have to try anything right now, but even if your mind doesn’t remember your body does, it’s called muscle memory, so I'm pretty sure you'll know what to do."

"And what if I don't like anymore?" The tone in his voice makes me hear the question behind that one. I understand what he is asking. It’s not about his bakery anymore. He is making the question that is screaming in my head. What if he doesn’t like me anymore? What if he doesn't want to keep married to me? I clear my throat.

"Then you choose what you like. You are free to choose what is best for you, what will make you happy." I feel my eyes burning. "I'm gonna take a coffee, I'll be right back." I don't wait for his answer, I just go.

I don't want to leave him alone, but I couldn’t cry in front of him again. It would make him feel guilty and I don’t want that. So I just go wash my face and take a coffee before going back to the room.

**Simon**

The days start to pass fast. The doctor always passes by my room a couple of times to check on me, but nothing has changed. I'm okay, I just have to give time to my broken bones to heal, and to maybe recover my memories. But that is a huge maybe, the doctor already told me that I may never recover them.

Penny comes every day to see me, but doesn’t stay long, she has to finish her Ph.D., and because of that she has to take every minute that she has, and with the help she is giving in my bakery, she doesn't have much time left. She brought Shepard one time and it was nice to meet him, even though it was a bit strange to see her with another bloke. But he seems nice.

Baz stays all day with me. He just leaves to go home take a shower and to feed, otherwise, he is here, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, ready to help me in what I need, and I never thought Baz could be this caring with someone, me of all people, but I'm worried about him.

I heard his conversation with his aunt some days ago and saw the way he was crying, I heard and I felt in his words, he really loves me. But he is suffering because of me. And I don't feel okay about that. I don't want to hurt him. And that's new to me, but he was being gentle and nice, and I supposed we are together, so maybe I should try to be nice with him too.

But I still don’t know how to act with him, not like this. I was used to him sneering at me, and throwing offenses in my way, so I still need some adjustment with that. And I'm worried about how our days will be now. Eventually, we'll have to go back to our routine as a married couple and I still feel weird about being married to a man, that by chance is my ex-enemy, so I don’t know. Everything is so confusing. Not the part where I’m married to a man, and that was something surprising to me but when I stopped to think about it, somehow made sense. It was the Baz’s part that was a bit strange, but at the same time, it wasn't. I was truly confused.

And even when he was being nice, sometimes, I was still rude and said some things that later I regret, but even when I apologized, he was still sad and hurt because of my words. I don’t know what to do. I want to try to live in this ‘new’ life, but it was hard, I guess old habits die hard.

I wake up with voices around me on my seventh day since I woke up. I open my eyes and see that the doctor is talking with Baz and Penny. They keep talking and don’t see that I’m awake. The clock on my side marks 09 A.M, and the light coming from the window was kinda hurting my eyes.

“Are you sure he is ready to leave the hospital?” Baz asks the doctor.

“Yes, don’t worry, he is fine, everything we could do to him we already did. Now is time for all of you to go back to your normal lives.”

“But what if -” Baz starts but I cut him.

“I’m leaving the hospital?” My voice brings all their attention.

“Yes, I’m officially discharging you.” Doctor Smith smiles at me.

“Great. No offences doc, but I can’t stand being here anymore.” I laugh.

It was true, I was really nervous about going home (whatever place home was now), but I hate being here, surrounded by people and wires and all of this. I wanted to leave this hospital and not come back so soon. (I know that asking never again would be too much.)

“It’s good to see you so happy about it.” Doctor Smith comes to my side. “I know it can be stressful going back to something that you don’t remember, but it’s the best for you. With time, hopefully, everything will be less confusing to you.” I nod.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” Baz asks me on my other side. “I mean, leaving the hospital?” He looks apprehensive, and I know he is worried and anxious about leaving the hospital and going home, just like me.

“Yeah, I’m feeling much better now, I’m ready to go.” He just nods and doesn’t say anything else.

“Great, then I’m discharging you.” The doctor pats my shoulder. “I’m prescribing some painkiller, but besides that, you are good to go.”

“Thank you, doctor,” I say while he hands the prescription to Baz. “For everything, really.” He saved my life after the accident, I guess I would own him for the rest of my days.

“It was a pleasure, and please if you feel anything just come here and call me.” He pats my shoulder again and calls Baz outside.

Penny sits by my side while I frown to the door.

“What do you think they are talking about?”

“Probably he is just giving instructions on how to take care of you and all your broken bones.” She puts an arm around me. “I’m very happy to see you leave this hospital Si. For some days I thought we would lose you.” She lays on my shoulder.

“You know I’m hard to kill.” She laughs.

“I know, but please don’t scare us again.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Now come on, let me help you standing.”

Penny helped me change my clothes to the ones that Baz brought to me yesterday. It's a bit awkward having Penny to help me to change clothes, but I barely can stand by myself and we were alone in the room. Penny leaves me and goes back to the room while I brush my teeth and finish getting myself ready. When I go back to the room, Baz is talking to Penny but they both turn to me when I open the door.

“I have to go,” Penny says coming to me. “My mother is waiting for me and Shepard for our Sunday lunch, but I promise that I'll try to go visit you tomorrow.” She hugs me.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you. Thanks, Pen.”

She gives a goodbye to Baz and then she leaves, letting me and Baz alone, standing awkwardly in front of each other.

“Ready to go?” He asks me and I nod. “I’ll take a wheelchair to take you to the car.” I nod again and sit in the chair close to me while I wait.

He comes back with the wheelchair and helps me to sit in it, and then takes me to a fancy car. It's a new one that doesn't have a single scratch, so I guess he bought a new one, or borrowed it from his dad or someone else. He helps me again to get in the car and then tells me to put on the seatbelt and goes to the driver side, I guess I had traumatized him.

The ride is weird, it’s just the two of us in the car and the silence is filling the space. He keeps glancing at me as he drives, but doesn’t say anything else. Our flat was a little bit away from the hospital, but I'm so anxious that the time seems to pass faster.

Baz parks the car in a street, in front of a building and then helps me again to get out of the car, luckily the building has a lift so I don't need to take stairs. He puts his arm around my waist, so I have to drop my arm in his shoulder. Weirdly, or not so weirdly considering everything, his touch is familiar and nice.

"Tomorrow we have to see something to help you walk," Baz says as we enter the lift and I shrug.

"In some weeks I'll be better." Baz raises his eyebrow at me.

"Simon, it can take months for your leg to be totally recovered. We have to take care or it will take more time."

"Can't you just spell me?" He shakes his head.

"Penny and I already tried but for some reason, it didn't work. Let's take care properly so it doesn't get worse." I just nod.

The lift stops at the sixth floor, I'm supporting my weight on one leg and on Baz shoulders, but it's not so bad. He leads me through a big hall and then stops at one of the last doors of the floor.

He opens the door and holds it open to me to get in. I don’t know what I was expecting but it's not what I'm seeing. I thought that Baz would only live somewhere posh and gigantic, but it’s not that, the flat seems bigger than my other places and posh too, but it’s a normal flat. And I can see myself in some parts, weirdly I don’t feel like an outsider here. In some part of my brain, it really feels like home.

I walk around (or better, jump around) the living room and see a lot of pictures of us together, and with our friends and some children that I recognize as his siblings. There's one picture that catches my attention though. It’s just the two of us, I'm the one who took the picture, but I'm not looking at the camera, I'm kissing Baz on his cheek and he's smiling, like I never saw it before. I blush at the same moment and look away. It’s like I'm invading someone else's privacy. Right now I feel like I have been teleported to another dimension.

Baz is just standing at the door, staring at me, probably wondering if I'd have some reaction, but I try not to look at him. I turn away from the pictures and see the kitchen. It's huge. I guess I need it to work. I keep wondering if I really will remember how to bake as Baz said, and then I think that I would like to bake something.

I try to give a step into the kitchen, but my leg doesn't obey me and I almost fall. In one second, Baz is already on my side, avoiding my fall.

"Do you wanna lay down?" Baz asks me.

"Yeah, I think I'm a little dizzy."

He takes me through a hall, showing the bathroom and the guest room on the way. At the end of the hall is our bedroom. The thought makes me blush again, but I push it away from my mind and keep jumping in one foot until we reach the bed. I lay down and Baz covers me with a blanket. There is a sharp pain on my side that makes me frown and close my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, the worried tone back on his voice.

"I'm fine, it's just my ribs." I keep my eyes closed and lay my head on a pillow.

"Are you sure? Maybe it's time for you to take your painkiller, or if the pain is too much I can call the doctor or -" Baz keeps babbling, and he sounds so worried and so caring that makes me wanna cry and stress the hell out of me. 

"I said I'm fine." I cut him with a sharp voice. He shuts at the same moment, which makes me open my eyes and I think it's the first time I really see him.

He looks more tired than I thought, I never saw him like this before. There are bags under his eyes and his skin looks paler than ever. He looks thinner too, and his hair doesn't shine as I remember. And his eyes are so sad right now, that I can see some tears gathering it up. It makes me regret my words, I know he is trying to help but it is still hard to believe in that. To accept that.

"I don't -" I start but I don't know what to say, so I close my eyes again and start over. "I just need to rest a moment, I'm fine. When I wake up I'll take the painkiller." My voice sounds much softer than before.

"Okay. I'm gonna let you rest then." He just gives me a short nod and leaves, closing the door behind him, but not before I could see the tears rolling down his face.

I close my eyes and cry too. I hate all of this. I hate not remembering anything important, and how much I am confused. And I hate that I'm hurting Baz even though he is by my side, taking care of me since I woke up from the coma, and I think before that.

There’s a picture in the nightstand that makes me try to sit and take it. It’s a professional picture, different from the one in the living room. Baz and I are dressed in fancy clothes and we are facing each other, holding hands. I’m certain that is a picture of our wedding and my heart skips a beat with the thought. We are smiling at each other and it’s thrilling to see that I was this happy. That Baz was this happy.

I lay back on the pillow still holding the picture and trying to remember that moment or any other moment that I was happy like that. I close my eyes, promising myself in trying harder to be part of this new (old) life. I don’t know if I will know how to bake, or to administrate a bakery. Or if I’ll fit in this life with Baz. If I’ll ever love him as he loves me, or like I loved him. But at least I can try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and comments, I'm loving it.  
> I'll try to back soon, but keep leaving feedback that helps me a lot.  
> See you soon ;)


	4. Chapter 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just got bigger than I thought it would, but enjoy ;)

Chapter 04

**Baz**

I sit on the couch trying not to cry and fail. I don't know what is happening to me, I never cried so much like these days. Simon is crying in our room, I can hear him, and all I want is to go there, wrap my arms around him and make sure he is okay. But I guess I'm not okay enough for that. And also, he wouldn’t want me there. So he keeps crying there and I keep crying in the living room.

I lay down on the couch and close my eyes. I need to rest, tomorrow I will go back to work. I need to give some time to Simon to be alone and for me to get distracted, but I'm still a little apprehensive about that. Luckily it's only a couple of days until the Christmas break. And I still don't know how that gonna be.

My phone rings, I don't know how long after, making me open my eyes and sit. I could hear Simon's breathing, and I knew he was asleep now, so I didn't want him to wake up.

"Hey, Penny." I almost whisper to the phone.

"Hey," she greets me. "why are you whispering?"

"Simon is sleeping," I say.

"How is he doing now that you both are at home?" I shrug even though she can’t see me.

"I don't know, he is pretending that he is fine, but he seems nervous. I guess that with all the pictures and everything in here it's awkward to him."

"I guess so. You'll go back to your job tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I don't want to leave Simon alone, but maybe he needs this time to think." I walk around the living room trying to cover the sadness in my voice.

"Baz?" I hum in response. "Everything will be okay. You and Simon were born to be together, you belong to each other. Just give some time." I feel my throat closing.

"I guess so." I shrug again. "I meant to ask you before, but I forgot. What exactly did you tell Simon on the day he woke up? What moments did you talk about?"

"Basic things, like why Agatha broke up with him, your mother visiting him, you both having a truce, where you were at the begin of that year, that he created the Humdrum and destroyed it, that you found out that the Mage was behind everything and how the bastard tried to take Simon's magic and died afterwards. And about his magic, of course, and about you two."

"You told him that it was him that killed the Mage? Or that Ebb died too?"

"No, I thought it was too much already." I nod.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm afraid of telling him and making his depression come back like before. But I'm also afraid of not telling now, and later he finds out and will be mad about me not telling before." I sigh. "I guess I'll wait some days until telling him everything."

"If you want my help, just call me."

"Maybe." We stay in silence for some seconds until I ask. "I know you already told me, but how did he react when you told him about us?" I hear she sighs.

"I didn't hide anything before Baz, just as I said before, he was surprised and at first didn't believe in me, but then it was like something clicked inside his mind and he just asked me if he was happy and if you both were in love." It was the same thing she said before. "He's not being nice with you?"

"He's not rude, but sometimes he snaps with me, and most of the time we just stand awkwardly in front of each other, and he tries to be polite I can see that, but it’s weird."

"Give it time Baz. Simon is confused now, but eventually, the pieces of the puzzle will start to fit together, just keep being the person you are and be patient." I hear some voices behind her. "I have to go, my mother is calling me."

"Okay, will you come tomorrow?"

"Yeah, probably around lunch to check on Simon and see how he is doing."

"Great, he'll be very happy to see you. Use your spare key so he doesn’t have to stand to open the door."

"Okay. Goodbye, call me if you need anything. And try to relax, everything will be okay, okay? Bye." She hung before I could reply.

After that, I stand alone in the kitchen looking at my phone not knowing what to do next. After thinking for some minutes and hearing that Simon was still asleep, I go to our room to put a glass of water and his painkillers if he needs to take it. When I walk in the room, I see Simon sleeping almost peacefully, and if it weren’t for the tears still wetting his cheeks (and the fact that I heard him), I wouldn’t guess he has been crying.

I put the water and the pills on the nightstand and only then I noticed that our picture that used to stay there was not in the same place. I look around for some seconds until I look again at Simon and see that the picture was in his hands. I don’t know what to think of this. He was holding the picture because it means something to him? Or he was just curious about it? Or he didn't want to leave in the nightstand?

I close my eyes trying to make myself think slower and breathe calmer. I don’t have to know everything now, especially not about what Simon is thinking. As Penny said, he is confused, and he has all the reasons to be. I’ll give him time. And if someday he’s ready, I’ll be right here, by his side. Where I belong.

I walk back to the living room and put a movie on tv and lie back on the sofa, feeling the tiredness of the last days calling me, and sleeping faster than I thought it was possible.

*********

The insistent doorbell wakes me up. I go answer the door quickly before Simon could wake up and just when I open the door, I hear Simon’s breathing change, so I give an angry look at Fiona, who is waiting in the hall.

“Thank you for waking up the whole floor.” She rolls her eyes and comes inside.

“Snow is sleeping?” She asks, already sitting on the sofa.

“He was, but for his breathing, I guess he woke up.” I sit beside her.

“I came to check on you both, it’s been some days since you answered my texts.” I rub my eyes and try to contain a yawn.

“Sorry, the last few days I didn't care about my phone that much.”

“I understand kiddo.” She looks at me. “You look like you could use a good sleep and a proper meal.”

“I’m fine.” I shrug. I’m starting to get used to this sentence. “Have you been to Hampshire?” She nods.

“Yes, they all were very worried about you and Snow. Daphne wants you to call her once the things are calmer.” It’s my time to nod.

“You’ll spend Christmas there?”

“No, I have some new assignments, that’s also why I came. I’m leaving tomorrow.” I nod again. “What about you? Will you go to Hampshire?”

“No. We already had planned on not going this year, and I think it would be too much for Simon. Spending Christmas with me will be enough already, he doesn’t need to stay in the middle of more people that he thinks hate him.” I hear a noise of the door opening and then heavy steps, and before I could go to help, Simon comes to the living room, jumping in one foot. “Simon,” I called worried. “you should have called me, you can’t stand on this leg,” I say pointing to his broken leg.

“I know, that’s why I came jumping.” He says in a light tone, so I guess he’s not angry with me now. “Hi.” He says embarrassed to Fiona.

“Hello, Chosen One.” She smirks at him. “I have to say, it’s good to see you standing.”

“Thank you?” He says in an interrogative tone like he doesn’t know if it was something good.

“Just to catch you up, we like each other now,” Fiona says, helping him to sit on the sofa. “We just have an unusual way to show.” She winks at him.

“Okay.” He still doesn’t seem sure of it.

“Well, unfortunately, I have to go. I just came to see you both before I leave, the vampires are waiting for me.” She stands. “I’m gonna be back after the holidays, but if any of you need something, just call me.” She pats him on the shoulder and goes to the door. Simon still looks confused and a little scared actually.

“Thank you for the visit,” I say to her once we are in the door. “I hope to see you once you come back.”

“You may be sure that you will.” She pats my shoulder as well. “Watch for the numpties.” She yells as she leaves, making me roll my eyes.

Simon is with the same face when I turn back to him. For some seconds I get the awkward feeling of not knowing what to do or say in my own flat with my own husband.

“Where exactly she is going?” Simon breaks the silence, frowning at the door.

“I don’t know the place exactly, but it’s in Europe I guess.” I shrug (it’s something I started to do a lot after starting date Simon).

“No, I mean, what did she mean with vampires waiting for her?”

“Oh, she hunts vampires.” He looks surprised.

“How does that work? I mean with you being - Does she know?” If I had enough blood in me I would blush for having this talk again.

“She knows, and honestly I don’t know how it works, but it does.” It's his time to shrug.

“She still scares me.” I let a laugh escape me and he looks even more surprised to me.

“Sometimes she scares me as well.” I look at him. “Are you hungry?” He seems to think but nods. “Me too. Have some special requirements?”

“I don’t think so.” He shrugs.

"I'll ask for something from your favourite Italian restaurant then." He nods again.

**Simon**

We eat in silence. Baz keeps stealing glances at me, probably wondering if I would snap again. But I will really try to fit into this life, which starts with being more patient.

"Tomorrow I'll go back to work," Baz says when he finishes eating. "I'll stay the whole day out, but I think Penny will come to visit."

"Okay, but I'm okay, I don't need anyone taking care of me." I shrug.

"I know, but at least until your leg is healed it's better that you have some help. Anyway, it's just this week and then the school stops for the winter break." I nod.

"I was thinking," I start, drawing his attention back to me. "maybe after the holidays I should try to go back to the bakery or at least try to bake again, once my arm is out of the cast."

"That's good, I think is a great idea." He smiles weakly. "If you want we could go there this week for you to see, you could recognize something." He sounds so hopeful that it makes me hopeful as well.

"Maybe, yeah." I try to smile too. "The doctor said how long will my arm be like this?" I lift my left arm.

"He asked to come back in two or three weeks to check, but he thinks it will be alright already. The leg will take more time though." I nod again.

"I never broke any bone so seriously like this, I think my magic used to heal me," I confess while Baz takes off our plates. "Did I get hurt after I lost my magic?"

"When you don't get hurt?" I laugh and Baz shakes his head, but I see that he is smiling a bit. "You are always looking for trouble, and when you are not, the trouble finds you." He sits again in front of me and yawns.

"You should rest now that you don't have to sleep in a chair," I say and in the same instant, I blush thinking about where he would sleep?

"Yeah, I'll lay down in a minute. Did you take your painkiller?"

"Yeah, right when I woke up." Even though I've slept for the last hours, I'm still very tired. I need a shower. "I think I'll take a shower," I say and at the same moment, I look at the cast in my arm and leg and blush. I would need help.

"Come on, the bathroom has a bathtub, it'll be easier." He helps me to stand and takes me to the bathroom.

Suddenly, I'm too aware of his presence. Of how close he is to me right now. And even though I know we are married and he already has seen me naked, I feel embarrassed and nervous.

Baz leaves me at the door and goes to fill the bathtub, he avoids my gaze so he is embarrassed as well or he doesn't want to make me more embarrassed. I decide to pretend I'm not nervous at all and try to take my t-shirt off, but it gets stuck in the cast and I kinda get trapped inside the damn thing.

"Wait," Baz says when I try to get free of the shirt. "Let me help." Then I shiver with his cold touch.

His fingers brush at my sides as he starts to lift the shirt. He is careful around my ribs and arm, and again it feels weird having him so careful with me. But it's a good weird.

I steal a glance at the mirror seeing again my older reflection and the lack of hair on my head, that I hate it. But something makes me frown with confusion. I turn so I'm almost with all my back turned to the mirror and see a red mark, two red marks on my back. There were two scars.

"What is this?" I ask and look to Baz who looks back not understanding my question. Until he sees what I'm talking about.

"I guess Penny didn't talk about it." He rubs his neck while I wait for an answer. "Do you remember in the seventh year, when you and Penny were summed by the Humdrum and with your magic you created wings to escape there?" I nod, sometimes it was terrifying the things my magic could do. "On the day you defeated the Humdrum, you made wings again because you needed a way to go to Watford, but when you created the wings, I think you were thinking about a dragon and you also made a tail." He explains. "You still had it when you gave your magic to the Humdrum, so you stayed with wings and tail, after that."

"I had wings and a tail?" I ask without believing it. "Like a cartoon?" He rolls his eyes.

"It wasn't so bad, and you liked to keep it, but it was getting harder to keep it hidden because you were the whole day in the bakery and Penny and I couldn't keep going there to spell them away, so you decided to remove them a couple of years ago."

I sit at the edge of the bathtub and Baz helps me to take off my trousers, so I decide to focus on the conversation instead of the fact that I'm being naked in the same room as my former enemy.

"You have pictures? I'm curious now." It's true, is kind of hard to picture me with wings and a fucking tail.

"Yeah, we have some." He says as he helps me to take my last piece of clothing.

And then I'm naked not knowing what to do. Baz helps me to get into the bathtub.

"I'm gonna take some clothes for you." He says and then leaves.

It's been only a couple of hours since we got into our flat, but different from what I was thinking before, this is not weird. Living in the same place as Baz. I mean, technically we did live together for eight years at school, but still.

This whole situation is nice. Which makes me think about how we got together. How did I realize that he was not my enemy anymore? How did he stop hating me? How did I realize that I was into blokes?

So many questions make my head hurt, so I close my eyes and put my right hand at my forehead, wanting to release some pain.

"Are you okay?" I listen to Baz before I see him.

"Yeah," I open my eyes. "just a headache."

"You must be tired, too many changes in one day." I nod shortly.

A phone rings somewhere and Baz goes take it. When he comes back the phone is in his hand, already stop ringing. I looked at him asking who it was.

"It was Daphne, my stepmother. She has been trying to talk to us since the accident."

"You should talk to her."

"Tomorrow." He puts the phone away. "Fiona already updated them about the accident and everything else. She, probably, just wants to know about Christmas, and I'm too tired to argue with her about it."

"Why would you argue?"

"She'll want us to go there, spend the holidays with them." He shrugs. I don't know if I would be comfortable with spending the holidays with Baz’s family. "Don't worry," he says when he sees my face. "We are not going." I frown.

"Why not?" Not that I want to go, but why doesn't he want us to go?

"Before the accident, we made plans on making a trip, because you were not feeling okay." My face must still be confused, cause he keeps explaining. "Some years around Christmas you don't feel okay, because of everything that happened with your magic and the Humdrum."

"Oh."

"And now you would feel uncomfortable around my family, so it's better if we stay here." It’s incredible how well he knows me.

“Thank you,” I mutter. “but you should go, I shouldn’t keep you from spending Christmas with your family.” He shakes his head.

“You are -” He begins but doesn’t complete the sentence. I guess that he would say that I was his family and I think he is right. When you marry someone you begin a new family. “I’m not leaving you alone at Christmas.”

“Thank you,” I say again looking away from him. It was hard to stare at his eyes when he was being soft like this.

“Here.” He hands me a towel and helps me to stand.

After putting comfortable clothes, Baz helps me to get into the bedroom, and just like earlier he puts me into bed and covers me with a blanket.

“If you need anything call me, I’ll hear you.” He gives me a short nod. “Good night, Simon.” He turns to leave.

“Where will you sleep?” I ignore the heat on my face.

“At the guest room. I think it will be better.” He doesn't turn to look at me, and before I could say anything else he says again. “Good night.”

“Good night, Baz,” I say as he closes the door.

I don’t want to think about anything else. So, I just close my eyes and let myself slip to my dreams that already are calling me.

*********

Penny visits me at lunch and it feels so good to have her by my side again. She doesn't stay long, but yet it was great. Just having her here, talking with me was amazing.

We talked about a lot of things, one of them was Agatha. Penny told me that after the fight with the Humdrum, Agatha went to America and lived there for a couple of years, but for some reason (Penny didn't tell me why) she came back to London for some months and now she was living everywhere. Every time Penny talked to her she was in a new country, discovering the world and herself.

She was happy and I was happy for her. It was weird to think now about her and our relationship. I guess she was right, we weren't right for each other, I think I never felt anything too special for her. And I certainly never was so happy by her side as I was by Baz's side. (At least I look very happy in all pictures.)

Penny went away a couple of hours later and I started to look for things that could make me remember something. I looked again at all the pictures and some point, I realized that I was feeling jealous of myself, of that Simon, for being so happy, for having a perfect life.

I look through some files in the living room when I find some papers, I read sometimes but I don't get exactly what it's written. It had to do something about Mage's death, but the words didn't make any sense.

The door is open, but I'm still trying to understand what is saying in this file.

"Hey." Baz greets me. "You shouldn't be standing." He walks to my side and I look at him in time to see him a bit uncomfortable for not knowing how to greet me. "What are you reading?" He asks when he sees the paper in my hands.

"I was looking through some things -" I start to say but stop at the same moment. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you before, but -"

"Simon, you don't have to ask anything, this is your flat too." I nod a bit and look back at the paper.

"Okay. Well, I was looking for something that could make me remember some moment, and I found this," I show him the file. "It has something to do with Mage's death right?" He takes the paper and with the mention of Mage's name, he tenses up.

"I - Yeah, this is the report of your statement, and the whole investigation the Coven did after he died." He rubs the back of his neck, so I know he is worried.

"Baz?" He hums in response. "What are you and Penny hiding from me?" He looks up, into my eyes. "What happened?" He closes his eyes and sighs.

"I was waiting to give you a few days to recover, but if you want to know, then I will tell you." He goes to the sofa. "Come on, sit." I do as he says. "I'll tell you what happened on that Christmas day." He sighs and starts to tell. "You were staying at my house for the winter break, it was late at night and I went feed, but the Humdrum appeared and did something weird with me, you came after us and saved me, but the Humdrum sucked the magic from Hampshire."

"Penny told me that I created the Humdrum right?" He nods. "That means that is my fault everything he already did, including leaving your house without magic." He shakes his head.

"No, Simon. I mean, you did create the Humdrum without knowing but it was not your fault, you didn't have control."

"I had how to control my magic, but I never did. You were right all at long, I was a shit excuse of a mage." He takes my hand and squeezes it.

"No. Nothing that I ever said back that time was true, I never believed in any of that. Your magic was too much for anyone to handle, you shared your magic with me a couple of times and that power was so much bigger than I thought. And even so, you still were the hero." I shake my head not wanting to believe in his words. "Simon, you want to hear the rest? Because maybe it's not the right time for you to deal with everything." I feel tears burning my eyes but I nod.

"I want to hear the rest." Baz doesn't look happy but keeps going.

"After what happened with the Humdrum in my house, I was afraid that my family would do something with you for thinking that the attack was your fault." I was about to say that it was, but he cut me. "And it wasn't. So I told you to leave, and you made the bloody wings and tail and went to Penny. I started to connect the dots and later I went to Penny too to share my discovery and to check if you were okay." He looks at me with so much softness in his eyes that I almost look away. "Once I told you both my theory, everything made sense, but you didn't take it very well and wanted to go to see the Mage. We had a fight and I left Penny's house and went to investigate more about my mother's death. And you had another fight with Penny and flew away to Watford to tell the Mage about what I had discovered.” I nod encouraging him to keep going. “I went to the place where the numpties had held me captive to look for some answer because Penny thought that the same person who killed my mother had planned me being kidnapped, so I wouldn't be around to receive my mother’s visit."

"The Mage." I do look away this time, embarrassed for knowing that for all those years Baz had told me that the Mage was the bad guy and I didn't believe.

"Yes." He says and waits for me.

"When Penny told me this, my first instinct was to doubt it. But then something made sense in my head, maybe because deep down I already knew the truth." I shrug. "Anyway, I'm sorry." I look at him again and see him frowning.

"For what?"

"For what the Mage did, with you and your mother." He shakes his head.

"It was not your fault. You are not him." I feel tears falling on my cheeks and Baz's thumb brushes it away. "After finding the truth, Penny contacted me and told me that you were going to Watford, to the Mage and she was afraid of what he could do to you. So, I picked her up and we ran to school. What we found out later was that the Mage was trying to increase his power, he wanted to take yours but he couldn't find you, so he took the second most powerful people he knew."

"Who?" I frowned at him and then I remember someone that was just a bit less powerful than me. "Ebb?" He nods squeezing my hand tighter.

"He arrested Ebb and tried to do some unknown spells to take her magic, but -" He looks at me and I see the sadness in his eyes. "He killed her."

"No." My voice is low, almost a whisper. "Ebb is dead?" The tears blind me and I feel Baz's arm around my shoulders while he holds my hand with his free one.

"You tried to help her when you arrived there, but it was too late." I start to sob and Baz pulls me closer. "I'm sorry." I lay on his shoulder and cry for a few minutes.

"What about the Mage? How did he die?" I was feeling so much sadness and anger against the Mage that I started being afraid of going off even though I know I can't. I feel Baz tensing up around me.

"The Humdrum appeared, you gave your magic and destroyed it. But the Mage still wanted your power, Penny and I arrived at that time. You were on the floor and we thought you were dead." His arm squeezes me harder. "But then you moved and were trying to say that your magic was gone, but he was not listening. I was so mad about everything that I just went to him, to take him out of you, to make him pay for everything he did. We fought and at some point, he had his wand pointed at me. Everything was a mess, but two things we know happened. First, Penny yelled the spell 'Simon says' and then you asked the Mage to stop hurting you, in the next second he fell on the floor."

"I killed him?" I look scared at Baz.

"Well, you didn't want to and neither did Penny, it was just a coincidence. If it's worth something, you saved us. I know that probably it doesn't make it better, but your spell didn't have the intention of killing him, you asked him to stop hurting you, and the only way that could happen was him dying. If he hadn't died he would keep hurting you, maybe not physically, but hurting you either way." His fingers start to brush my hair. "I know it's a lot to take, I'm sorry, I should have waited to tell you." I shake my head.

"I needed to know." I keep laid on his shoulder. “It’s just -” I cry a little more, and then I speak again. “Even though I know the Mage was bad, it still hurts to know that I killed him. And hear that Ebb died too it hurts, even more, she didn’t want to take part in that, she never did.”

“I know." His fingers keep brushing my short hair. "I'm sorry." For some minutes the only sound is me crying. "Simon," Baz calls me and makes me look at him. "If you feel it's too much if it starts to drag you down, talk to someone, please. It doesn't have to be with me, if you don't feel comfortable, you can talk to Penny or someone else, but don't keep that inside you."

"It was that bad when it happened?" He closes his eyes for a second and nods.

"You were very depressed for a long time, and you didn't talk to anyone. I was, Penny, and I were very worried about you." His fingers brush my cheeks and even though his fingers are cold, they leave a hot trail on my skin. And I lean a bit into his touch. "I was afraid of telling you and making you feel that way again." I nod shortly.

"I will talk. If I need, I'll talk to someone." He nods and I see his eyes are a bit relieved.

I didn't want to think about how I was before. If I was so bad that Baz was this worried, then I think it is better if I just move on. Even if it is hard to accept Ebb's death and everything that happened with the Mage. Weirdly my loss of magic was something that it wasn't affecting me as much as I thought I would.

But as much I wanted to do that, to forget this part and move on, my mind seemed to not want the same thing. I feel my breathing accelerate as I keep thinking about Ebb and feeling guilty for not knowing what was the last time that I have seen her. And that hurts too much.

And thinking about the Mage was worse, to know that he was the opposite of what I've thought for a good part of my life and that he was more dangerous than any other threat he had said to me. And even though I know now that he was the bad guy I can't help feeling guilty for killing him, for hating that I was the one who did it.

"Simon," Baz calls me and only then I notice I had closed my eyes. "just breathe." He says cupping my cheeks. "I know it's too much, but you can pass through this, just breathe." He says wiping the tears that were on my face. "Come on." I'm still having trouble breathing, and I almost choke with a sob. Baz helps me stand, but when I don't take a step, he passes an arm below my knees and carries me.

I keep my eyes closed and only open it again when I feel the soft mattress behind me. I keep Baz there with me, comforting me, and it is a relief to know that I had someone to help me.

**Baz**

It's hard to just listen to Simon cry and not being able to do anything to help it. I keep telling him to breathe and that everything will be okay, but I know that it doesn't help. Even so, Simon doesn't let me go, his hands are clenched in my shirt and he keeps crying in my chest for long minutes.

I'm surprised that he didn't tell me to leave him alone, so I keep brushing his hair (and missing his curls) and muttering positive words. Despite the rest, it's good to be on his side again, laid with him in my arms.

After I don't know how long, Simon's breathing changes and he falls asleep. I try to leave because I know he would hate to wake up with me on his side, but I'm afraid I'll wake him, so I stay.

It's easy to sleep with Simon's warm body around me. And it's easier to dream about good things. Simon moves sometimes during the night, but for almost all of it, he keeps me in there, with him.

When the morning light wakes me, I slowly move from him and leave the bedroom, and instantly miss him. But I think it's better if he doesn't wake up with me by his side, so I go. I left a note by his side and left for work, still worried about how he could be feeling.

Simon's phone broke at the accident and I still haven't bought a new one for him, so I didn't have how to talk to him throughout the day. During the whole day, I keep losing concentration and looking at the clock wanting to accelerate the time to go home.

The kids are not enough to distract me, so I keep thinking about Simon and how he was feeling after everything I told him. I hope he doesn't stop talking like before. I really want him to move on from those parts.

When, finally, I get in our home later, I'm surprised by Simon watching something on the TV in the living room and smiling at me. I almost sigh in relief.

He doesn't talk too much that night, but he seems better than last night and better than last time. Which I already consider a victory.

The days start to get into a routine. Unfortunately, Simon spends the days mostly alone, because Penny and I are working. I don't know how he spends his days, but he looks happy when I get back from work, so I guess I didn't need to worry.

We didn't talk about our conversation on Monday anymore, sometimes he still seems sad, but on most days he seems better, almost like he was happy.

I walk into our flat with my arms heavy with the weight of the bags. It was Christmas Eve and I would cook dinner for us, so I went out to buy what was missing, luckily I was able to find everything I needed.

“Simon?” I call when I don't see him in the living room or the kitchen.

“Here.” He shouts back. “At the closet.”

I go there and see him sitting on the floor with a box in his lap, he is looking at some pictures but looks at me when I get to the door.

“Hey,” I smile and he smiles back. It was incredible what that smile could do to my heart. “what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know exactly.” He tries to stand, so I extend my hand and help him. “I’m just messing around and seeing what I can find.”

“And you did find anything?” I ask.

“No.” He jumps back to the bedroom, with my help. “You found what you need?” I nod.

“Yeah, there was a place not too far that was open. Luckily.”

"Let's go then, I may learn something."

"I think it's hard, you may be an excellent baker, but you are a terrible cook." He tries to hit me with his elbow and we laugh. My heart flutters with his laugh.

"I'll have to believe in you." He sits in the kitchen, turns to me.

I start to separate the ingredients and feel Simon's eyes on me, following me through the kitchen. I want to ask how he is feeling, but I don't want to ruin our Christmas, so I keep quiet.

"Baz?" He calls me making me look at him for a moment. "I just want to thank you for telling me everything the other day." He rubs the back of his neck. "I know that probably it wasn't easy for you to tell me, so I appreciate you telling me the truth." I nod to him not knowing how to answer him, so I ask what I want.

"How are you feeling? We didn't talk about it anymore, but you look better."

"I think I'm, sometimes I still think about it and it hurts, but I don't want to live trapped in that past. I just want to move on." He shrugs.

"That's really good." I smile at him and he blushes, what would make me blush if I had fed earlier.

I keep cooking, and Simon keeps looking at me and trying to help me, occasionally. A couple of hours later, the dinner is almost ready and we are just sitting and talking while we wait.

"Baz, I wanted to ask something, that Penny didn't know how to answer." I see that his cheeks are red again.

"What is it?"

"How did we get together?" He gets even more blushed. "How did we stop throwing punches at each other?"

"Well, I think everything started to change when you offered a truce to help me to find my mother's killer. We started to talk more and to spend more time together, but officially everything happened at Christmas." He is looking at me with his full attention. "I had invited you to spend the break in my house so we could investigate more, and because I didn't want you to spend Christmas alone in Watford, but you didn't want to go, because you thought I was plotting something." I roll my eyes and he laughs a bit. "But you found out something that was very important and went to my house to tell me and stayed there. It was on the night of the 23rd that we went out to do some investigation. We found out that my mother had been bitten and then killed some vampires and herself." It was still hard to talk about that. Simon holds my hand across the table and squeezes it. "I was pretty bad, so I drove back home and stopped in the middle of nowhere and walked into the forest and set fire around it."

"Why?" He sounds worried.

"I thought that I was doing what my mother would want. She killed herself when she was bitten. Even today I don't know if she would want me to live as a vampire, so I thought I was doing what was right."

"That sounds crazy."

"Yeah, well you thought the same back then. You followed me there, into the middle of the burning forest, and tried to convince me to put the fire away, but I wasn't listening. So you kissed me." He seems surprised.

"I kissed you?" I nod.

"I put the fire away and we went back to my home. That night changed everything, I didn't want to believe that it was real and that we could work, but you had made your mind and on Christmas Eve you said that you wanted us to be boyfriends and that's how we started. Hours later the Humdrum appeared so it wasn't the best start, but still is one of the days that I most remember."

"That's really nice." He bites his bottom lip and I see he is a little embarrassed. "I wish I could remember." I don't say anything, so I just squeeze his hand. "So, when exactly do you stop hating me?" He asks and I see a smile playing on his lips.

"Simon," he looks at my eyes. "I never hated you." I appreciate the lack of blood in my body that makes me not blush. "I always had intense feelings for you, but I always knew that it wasn't hate. But it was only in the fifth year that I found out that I was in love with you all at long, almost since we met." He looks even more surprised.

"That is - That's surprising." I laugh.

"Yeah, I guess it is." The oven timer rings and brings us back from our talk. "Let's have dinner then."

We eat almost in silence, he just compliments my food and we talk about trivial things. He sounds almost happy, so I guess that our history didn't make him mad or anything else.

"Can we watch a movie?" Simon asks when we finish eating.

"Of course." I smile at him.

I help him go to our sofa and then sit by his side. It would be the first time we would do something together, other than eating, and I was more than happy about it. Simon chooses a movie on Netflix, and just when it starts he comes closer and lies on my shoulder.

"Thank you for everything, Baz." He almost whispers. "I'm very glad that I followed you into that burning forest." I smile again.

"Me too, Simon. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the fluffy part is starting and the angst is staying behind finally.  
> I admit that is being hard to write this fic because I hate seeing them suffer, and I know you too.  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos, and the sweet comments, I love it very much.  
> I'll try to be back soon ;)


	5. Chapter 05

Chapter 05

**Simon**

The first thing I notice is that I'm in Watford again. The second one is that Baz and I are facing each other, sitting in his bed. I don't hear what we are saying, but it doesn't matter because we are holding hands, and a second later is like the air around us is filled with magic. We are saying something that again I don't hear, but then our room changes and it's like we are in a galaxy.

The new light makes Baz look even more beautiful than he already is.

I don't know if this is a thought from myself or from the Simon sitting in the bed, but he does look so good that I can't stop wondering how I never noticed back then. I mean, obviously, I did notice, but how did I not notice that I fancied him?

We say some things and then the galaxy is gone and the room is back. I look around me and something clenches in my stomach. I realize that I miss this place so much. It was my home for so long.

When I turn back at Baz and me, we are fighting and Baz looks mad. I leave his bed and lay down on my own and when I start to drift in my sleep at my old bed, I feel something pulling me back to reality.

I open my eyes and see my new phone, (a gift from Baz) ringing. I reject Penny's call because I am not in a mood to talk to her now. 

I have this weird feeling inside me, and it has something to do with the dream I had just now. The problem is that I don't fully remember what it was. I remember that Baz was on it, and we were looking at stars. But I can't remember anything else.

Frustrated, I stand and jump to the closet to take clothes. This was happening the whole week. I have had weird dreams since Christmas Eve, but when I wake up I barely remember anything.

Part of me thinks that these dreams are part of my memories. But I'm still not sure. And I didn't want to tell Baz or Penny, because I didn't want to give them hope that I was remembering when in fact I am not.

All the dreams sent a rush of adrenaline through my body, and I can remember that I was in many dangerous situations. But I also know that I dream about Baz a lot. About us.

While I change my clothes I think about that. I'm still trying to be part of this new life and it's getting easier. I am starting to feel better in the flat and with Baz. But I still don't know how to feel about him and everything else. It's still very confusing.

Especially after what Baz told me. About how we started dating, and that he was in love with me pretty much since we met. It was very surprising at first, I always thought that Baz hated me, more than I hated him, and it wasn't true.

I really don't know how to feel. The Baz of my memories was a sarcastic git, but this Baz is so caring and loving that it makes my heart beat faster. And now remembering our years in Watford and knowing that Baz loved me, I can't help but feel sorry for him. It mustn't be easy for him, especially with me following him around and accusing him of plotting.

And with all these dreams I was having, for the little that I remember, I was starting to think that I also was already in love with Baz in Watford. I mean, I was obsessed with him. Always have been. I knew him better than anyone else. Better than myself. I could describe his eyes with so many details that I feel a bit thick for not realizing sooner.

"Simon?" Baz knocks on the door.

"Come in." Poor Baz, he was tiptoeing so much on his own house. Knocking to enter his room. Our room.

"I have to go, but today I leave earlier, okay?" It was the first day after the end of the Christmas break and Baz had to go back to work. 

"Yeah, if I need something I'll call you," I say, already knowing he would say to me.

"Great. I was thinking that later we could go to the bakery. With the holidays we barely had time." I nod, it was true. 

These days of the holidays were crazy. Penny came almost every day, and even Baz's family was here to see us. They were so nice that it scared me a bit. Even Baz's dad seemed genuinely worried about me. 

"Okay. And I was thinking if we could see a day this week to go to the hospital. I know the leg will take more time, but I miss using my both arms." He laughs.

"I will see a day for us to go there." I nod to him. "I have to go if you need something -" He starts but then he remembers that I just said it and stops.

"I will call you." I laugh and he joins me.

Then he leans and kisses my cheek. I freeze with his touch, but in a good way. In a way that made me want it more. Baz even notices what he did, so he just takes the car keys and goes to the door.

"Have a nice day." He says before leaving.

"You too," I reply, still feeling the ghost of his lips in my cheek. 

I go back to the bed still thinking about Baz and my weird dreams. Before I can realize I drift back to sleep, still thinking about a pair of grey eyes and the touch of cold lips. 

Once I wake up, I don't get up. I just stay in bed, watching Netflix, I only get up to take something to eat. But other than that, I keep in the same place. Reflecting on my dreams and feelings.

In the middle of the afternoon, Baz walks back to the flat. Only then I noticed how much I wanted to talk to him, to see him again. How much I missed him during the day. 

I stand quickly and jump to the door, at the same time he opens it. I smile when I see him. And I feel almost on fire when he smiles back. I don't know what is happening to me.

"Hey, you didn't need to stand." He says, still smiling.

"I had to. I spent the whole day lying down in this bed." I laugh. "You came back earlier than I thought."

"Yeah, they exchanged my last class with one earlier."

"Great." I blush, feeling embarrassed with my excitement.

"And I have great news. I called the hospital and the doctor said that probably you are ready to take the cast out." We walk to the living room. "So, we can pass there and then we go to the bakery." I nod.

"Can we go now?" I can’t hide my enthusiasm.

“I guess so.” Baz smiles again. “Let’s go then?” 

“Yeah.” He takes the car keys and we leave.

He helps me to get into the car, and this time, we talk and don’t avoid each other like the first time we were in this car. Faster than I thought, we arrived at the hospital, it was not a place I wanted to come back to so soon, the memories of the day I woke up, still make me feel sick. 

Baz takes a wheelchair to help me, so I wouldn't have to jump in one foot, then he talks to some nurse and she takes us to the doctor. When we arrive, we see it's not my doctor, it’s a younger one, probably a student. He apologizes on behalf of Doctor Smith, but he had an emergency, and couldn't come. 

After the young doctor takes my arm out of the cast, I see that it is a simple process, and probably Doctor Smith just wanted to check me and didn't have to be here. After twenty minutes, where the doctor makes some tests, we leave the hospital. I am moving my arm and my fingers like I never had before. Baz just laughs, but I am relieved of being free from that thing.

"I can't wait to take this out too." I point to the leg.

"Be patient, if you don't push too much, soon it will be better," Baz says.

"I know." I almost rolled my eyes. Something that I had learned the last few days was that Baz was very protective.

We go back to talk, I ask about his job, and see a glint in his eyes when he talks about the kids and music.

"I didn't know you liked kids." I try to imagine Baz with kids and shockingly it is not as hard as I thought.

"I do. I mean, I had to live with my brothers and they were still kids when I left my house, but I always loved to be with them." For a second I think if we already talked about having a kid. I know we can't have one by traditional means, but there are a lot of other possibilities. 

"Baz, I wanted to know -" I start but then I stop, I shouldn't mention that now. Maybe another day, I think I’m not ready for that talk yet. "If you could play your violin someday for me. I always liked to hear in school." I confess, making my cheeks blush.

"If you want to." He says, but there is a smile playing on his lips.

"I do," I answer looking at him in time to see his smile growing wider.

After five minutes he parks the car in front of a building. I leave the car and look at the building in front of us.

"Here," Baz says coming to my side and helping me to stand. "This is your bakery." He turns me to the other building where now I can see the bakery.

We walk until there, Baz helps me again (we seriously need something to help me to walk easily) and then we are in front of the bakery. 

The place is small but cute. There are a lot of people inside and I see a girl and a boy working, serving the customers all the way around. It takes me a second to realize that this is really mine.

"Wanna go inside?" Baz asks and I only nod.

As Baz opens the door, some people turn to look at us, just like the people that I assume, are mine employees. 

"Simon." The girl runs in our direction, she seems young. "I'm so glad to see you here, Penny told us about the accident, how are you feeling? Missing the bakery already?" She almost doesn't stop to breathe.

"I'm -" I'm not sure of how to act with people who work for me.

"Kate, he doesn't remember." The boy comes in our direction, rolling his eyes. He seems to have the same age as the girl. "Penny told us that you lost your memory." He says looking at us.

"Yeah, I lost part of my memory," I say while Baz takes me to a chair.

"So, you don't remember us or the bakery?" The girl asks, making both, Baz and the boy roll their eyes. 

"He doesn't, but you both do, and you have work to do, so if you want to keep that way, you should go back at it," Baz says with a sharp tone, making them almost run to attend new customers. I laugh, remembering how that tone was used to me.

"They seem ... energetic," I say, still laughing.

"Yeah, they are nice, just a little lost and young." He shrugs, and then calls the boy, Gregory. "Bring a Pumpkin mocha breve to me and a hot chocolate to Simon." Gregory writes it down and leaves. Baz looks at me and at the same moment his eyes widen and he looks nervous. "Sorry, I should have asked what you wanted, you usually drink that -" He starts babbling nervously, but I hold his hand across the table.

"The chocolate it's great, don't worry." I smile to assure him and he seems to relax.

"Sorry, old habits." He says again. 

"So, they are magicians?" I almost whisper the last word, changing the subject.

"No, just Normal kids. Kate is finishing high school and Gregory started college this year."

"Who is baking now?" I ask, suddenly curious, looking to the kitchen's door.

"After the accident, Penny tried to help us here, so she hired a baker until you can come back." Gregory brings our drinks.

"If you need anything else, call me." We thank him and he leaves.

"Do you wanna visit the kitchen later?" I shake my head.

"Actually, I was thinking about trying to bake something at our flat." His eyes seem to light it up. I don't know if it is because of my idea or because I said 'our' flat.

"Okay, we can buy some ingredients, and then we can go home." He smiles and I smile back, it's nice to hear him saying home. It's nice to have a home.

We finish our drinks and then we leave going back to the car. I shiver with the cold air of the street and without thinking I get closer to Baz. 

"So, what do you wanna bake?" He asks when we are already in the car. I think for some seconds before answering him.

"Scones," I say and see him smiling and rolling his eyes. "What?" I ask, laughing after.

"It's just so you." He laughs too. "You always want scones." He explains.

"It is my favourite food," I say. "it was at least." I shake my head remembering that I don't actually know what is my favourite food these days.

"Still is, Simon." His tone is softer now. 

"It sucks not having some memories." I lean my head at the seat and close my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I feel his hand on my knee for a second, but before I could even open my eyes, his hand was away.

"I'm sorry too." He keeps his eyes on the road and only gives a short nod. 

We stay in silence for some minutes, until Baz parks the car again.

"I will buy the ingredients you need, and be right back." 

I nod while he opens the door and leaves. Then I put on some music because it was too silent and my thoughts were getting louder. I tap my fingers with the rhythm of the song. It's not enough to make me stop thinking. 

I keep trying to remember my dreams, to remember everything. But it's frustrating and gives me a headache. I lean my forehead into the window, feeling the cold glass against my burning skin.

Every day I wake up, I have a new question, about the dreams, about the past, about Baz. And I don't wanna ask, I don't wanna bother anyone. My trail of thoughts is cut by the sound of the door. 

I look at my side and see Baz getting in the car, almost soaked, and trembling with the cold.

"I even saw that it was raining," I say while Baz turns the heater of the car on. "Are you okay?" He nods.

"Yeah, just a little bit cold." I put my hand on top of his.

"Jesus Christ, your hands look like ice." I only notice that I swear like a Normal after I finish.

"It's okay." He shrugs. "I am always like this." He laughs. Baz is driving again, so his attention is back to the streets. 

"You are always cold?" I ask feeling sorry for him, I am rarely cold, but when I am, I hate it.

"Not always." He says and the blush on his cheeks stops me from asking more. I'm pretty sure I understood, so I closed my mouth and looked at the street too.

We don't say anything else until we are back in our flat, and I don't know if it's because it is warm inside, or because the place is familiar, but I feel relieved of being back.

Baz puts the bags in the kitchen, while I take off the coat and scarf, and appreciate that our flat it's warm enough. 

"So, how should I begin?" I ask, going to the kitchen too. 

"First wash your hands." Baz points to the sink. "Here," He hands me a piece of paper, after doing what he said. "you wrote the recipe, so I believe you just need to follow it." 

**Baz**

I keep looking at Simon while he reads the recipe. He frowns sometimes, and looks to the ingredients at the kitchen counter, biting his thumb.

"This doesn't look hard, but I'm afraid I could ruin it." He looks at me.

"Just follow what is written and you’ll be okay." I take off my coat and put where Simon put his.

"Will you help me?" He asks, and when I turn at him again, I see that he looks nervous and anxious.

"If you want to."  _ Please say you want to _ , I think with a little despair. 

I would love to help him and to be close to him again. I just want to be by his side, to help him somehow. 

"Yes, please." I'm sure that my happiness reflects on my face while I smile, and I’m sure it gets even more visible as he smiles back.

"So, let's begin."

I help him to select the ingredients and put them on the kitchen counter. Simon reads the recipe one more time before starting to bake. I just keep by his side, handing what he asks me too. The mess only starts when I accidentally trip on my way to Simon and let him cover on flour. 

“I am so sorry,” I say, worried that he could be mad about it. “I swear it was an accident.” He looks at me and smirks, making my skin hotter somehow.

“Oh, you will not escape only with an apology.” He takes the flour on top of the counter. “Tell me, you still are obsessed with your hair?” The look on his face makes me wanna kiss him. But I focus on the moment.

“You won’t throw this on my hair.” I take a step back. 

Simon comes closer, jumping in one foot must be hard, and I see that I am trapped between him and the fridge. But I don't care, I could easily just run away, and I do worry about my hair, however, this moment it’s more important, being with Simon it’s more important. 

"You don't have courage enough to throw this on me, Snow," I say raising my eyebrow, provoking him. This feels so familiar.

"You think that?" He comes even closer and I realize that we are only a few inches from each other.

I only nod when I feel the heat of his skin almost touching mine, our noses almost bumping. I hear him swallowing when he realizes our proximity. I don't know where to look, to his eyes, his lips, his hands. I see that he looks at my lips and I wonder if he wants to kiss me, or it's just curiosity. 

But then his hand goes somewhere behind me, and I barely have time to register his smile before I feel something wet on my head. Simon gives a step back while he laughs.

"Did you just break an egg at my hair?" I ask in shock but still amazed by his laugh.

Simon only nods while he keeps laughing, I try to hide my smile, but it's just so good to see him this happy. I shake my head as I try to take the eggshell off my hair.

"Your luck is that I'm feeling generous today, but be prepared because I'll be plotting revenge." His eyes go wide for a second, but then he relaxes.

“I want to see you try.” He smirks again but then goes back to the counter and the recipe.

“I’ll take a shower and be right back.” He nods, still smiling. “Please, behave,” I smirk this time, while he rolls his eyes.

I take some time under the water and wash my hair twice to be sure that there is no more egg on it. When I go back to the kitchen, some minutes later, Simon is already putting the scones in the oven.

"I don't know if it will be good, but I feel good about trying." He says when he sees me.

"I bet the scones will be delicious." He blushes a bit and looks to his hands. 

"I was thinking," He starts a bit embarrassed and because of that I know that whatever he is thinking is related to us. "we used to go on dates when we got together?" 

"Not at first. The first years of our relationship were hard. Everything that happened with the Mage and your magic happened at the same time that we started dating, so it was complicated. You had good days, especially in the first months you moved with Penny, but then you mostly just stayed on the sofa at the flat, you didn't want to go out or do anything." I hate to remember that time. I hate how useless I was, how Simon was drowning in his depression and I couldn't help.

"That sounds bad, but also familiar."

"Yeah, it's still in your head, you just don't remember." I put my hand on top of his. "After we went to America, things changed again, and when we came back we started to work on it. Then we did start to go out on dates. We still do." He seems to think.

"Can we go on a date?" It's not what I thought he would say. "I don't remember the ones we had before, but we can make new memories, right?" His cheeks are red again.

"We can." I try to contain my smile, but this is great. I didn't think that Simon would suggest going out on a date with me. "I can organize everything for Friday, what do you think?" 

"Great." He smiles in that way, which makes my heart stop.

The timer on the oven breaks our little moment. Simon goes there to take the scones out, and I go take the butter because Simon Snow doesn't live without butter.

We don't say anything else while we sit and eat the scones. It is delicious just like I said.

"I told you it would be great." 

"I never thought I could bake something." He smiles. "I want to try different things this week."

"I think that's great. Just tell me what you will make and I will buy the ingredients."

"Okay." We smile at each other and keep eating the delicious scones. 

**Simon**

T he days start to pass faster now that I don't stay just watching TV. I start to bake a lot, every day I try some new recipes and I am actually good. It's great to do something that I am good at. 

Some time ago, I was also very good at other things, like killing whatever creature that was behind me, or killing what the Mage told me. And use my sword, I was very good with the sword. But I think I rather this way. It was nice to do something that didn't involve violence. 

Anyway, the baking was just a part of my day. I also cleaned a lot, it was a chance of knowing the place better and a chance of trying to find something that could make some memories come back.

And at night, Baz and I usually had dinner together, talked about our days, and then watched some movies. Our date is this night and I am extremely anxious. Baz didn't tell me anything about what we are going to do, and because of that, I am even more nervous.

Each day that we spend together I find a new thing about him and it is very hard not to like him. Say that he is different from what I remember is an understatement. And I don't know if it's some of my past self feelings, that I don't remember, but I am really liking him.

The other day, when we were baking together, I started to think about kissing him and now I couldn't stop thinking about that. At first, it was just a curiosity, a 'what if' situation, but now it was something deeper than that. A true desire to kiss him. To feel his lips against mine. And maybe that could bring some memory back. 

“Simon?” I hear Baz’s voice as he closes the front door.

“Just a sec,” I answer him, while I finish buttoning my shirt. 

I look at myself in the mirror, checking if my clothes were fine and if my hair was okay. I finish brushing my hair and then I am ready for my date with Baz, and I just hope that he would like how I am looking today. It took me a long time to decide what to wear. 

I take the crutch that Baz bought and leave the bathroom, that thing was helping me to move. I see the light up in our room and go there, wanting to see Baz. He is in our closet, his back turned to me.

“Hey, I thought you were leaving earlier.”

“I know, I tried to leave, but they asked me to help them with some stuff, but anyway, I’m sorry I’m late.” He turns to me with some clothes in his hands.

“That’s okay.” Then Baz really looks at me, and something in his eyes makes me shiver. 

“You look great.” His words and his half-smile makes me blush.

“Thank you.” I look down, avoiding his eyes. 

“I’m gonna take a really quick shower, then we can leave, okay?” I only nod to him, then he comes closer and kisses my cheek. It was something he was doing now, and I was liking it. Very much. 

He leaves the room, and I stay there, thinking about him and our date. I pace around the room and check myself on the mirror more a couple of times, and then I go to the living room to wait for Baz.

His ‘really quick shower’ takes about thirty minutes, but when he leaves the bathroom, I see that I wouldn’t mind waiting for him. He looks astonishing in the navy blue shirt, and in those jeans that were responsible for some very improper thoughts. His hair is loose around his face, and his cheeks are a little flushed, a sign that he already had his blood. Probably when I was still in the bathroom.

“You look - I start to say as he comes in my direction but I see that I don't know how complete. “Uh - very good.” I feel my blood rising in my cheeks.

“Thank you.” He tries to hide a smile. “I’m just gonna take some things we will need.” I frown at him, but before I could ask something, he leaves. 

A couple of minutes later he comes back with a bag and with some clothes on his arms.

"What's inside?" 

"It's a surprise." He smiles. "Here." He hands me my scarf and coat. "It's cold outside." He puts on his coat and scarf and then we leave the flat.

While Baz drives, I ask a million questions about where we are going, but he just shakes his head and doesn't give me a single tip. It's only after twenty minutes that I realize that we are leaving the city.

"I'm more than curious now." He smirks and keeps driving in silence. "Is this the part where you reveal your long plan of making me trust you then marry you, only to kill me now?" I ask, but as a joke, I no longer believe Baz could hurt me. 

"No, believe me, if I wanted to kill you I wouldn't need to elaborate something complicated, you gave me a lot of opportunities that I could easily use." 

"I never cared too much about my well being, I guess that didn't change in the last years." I shrug.

"It didn't." He shakes his head. "Thankfully, you stopped being hunted by goblins and other dark creatures, a couple of years ago." 

I was about to ask something else to Baz, but I forget when I see that we are stopping at a huge gate. Baz stops and types what I think is a password into a small screen outside the gates.

We drive for more a couple of minutes until a house appears in our sight. It was huge, and I was guessing that we could see only a part of the house. I didn't remember coming here, obviously, but I had a feeling about it, something weird, but that made me warmer inside, happier.

"Welcome to my family's cottage." 

"This is not a cottage, it's a mansion." We leave the car and I keep looking amazed at the house. "Have we already been here?" He nods coming to my side and helping me to walk.

"Yeah, our wedding was here." My heart skips a beat with his words. It was still hard to believe that I was married to Baz. "And we came here some other times, holidays and stuff." 

"This place looks amazing." 

Baz opens the door and the inside looks bigger than the outside. He puts the bag on the sofa and comes to my side again.

"I thought we could stay here this weekend, get out of the city."

"And I thought you were planning just dinner." I laugh and see that he looks nervous, probably wondering if it was a good idea. "That's great, this place looks amazing and I bet that is even better in the morning light." He seems to relax a bit. 

"It is, and tomorrow morning I can show you around." I nod to him. "Well, the rooms are upstairs, I'm gonna start cooking our dinner, but if you want, if you are tired you could wait there until the dinner is ready."

"I'm not tired, I can help you." I take off the coat and scarf, it was warm inside the house.

"Okay, come on then, I will show you the kitchen." I followed Baz through the house, the crutch was a very good idea, it was great not needing help to walk.

The kitchen was twice the size of our kitchen, I already could imagine myself baking in here. Baz walks to the fridge and starts to take off some ingredients.

"Your family comes here frequently?" 

"No. My father doesn't like coming here too much, he thinks it’s too isolated." 

"Why do you have so many foods then?" I point to the fridge.

"We have a housekeeper, I called him and asked him to buy some things."

"He is here?" I don't know if I want another person here, with us.

"No, he usually stays, but I gave him some days off." He looks at me. "It's just the two of us." I like that.

“Great.” I see the ingredients on top of the counter. “What will you cook?”

“Roast beef.”

“I already told you about the list I made about the things I most loved about Watford?” He shakes his head.

“We never talked too much about Watford.” I think I understand that.

“Well, I had this mental list about the things I loved about school, and only allowed myself to think about it when I was on the train, going to Watford. Can you guess what was the number one on my list?” 

“I have no idea.”

“Scones.” Baz smiles. “The scones in Watford were amazing, and I never had eaten like that, not sour cherry scones, it was one of my favourites parts of coming back. The second one, for a couple of years, was roast beef.” I laugh and Baz laughs with me. “The food in school was great, better than anything I had eaten in my life.” I see that Baz's expression changes and I can’t recognize what it’s in his face. “Anyway, some years later, I put the limit of only one food on the list, and Penny went up to the second place.” His smile goes back.

“You put scones in front of your best friend?” 

“It was very good.” We laugh. 

“What else was on your list?” He looks curious.

“Let me remember - uh -. The football pitch, I don’t know exactly why.” As I say, I remember Baz playing football and I can understand now why it was on the list. “The uniform, the fact that I had something that fit me and that I didn't need to worry about it.” Baz expression changes again. “My room, better saying our room. It was the first place that it felt like home. And the other things well, actually thinking about them makes me a bit sad.”

“You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine. Well, in the last year I took off the Wavering Woods because I was mad for seeing you and Agatha there, holding hands. It looks ridiculous now.” He laughs a bit. “The other one was Agatha, I was not sure if she still was on the list, and it makes me sad because we both were in this relationship, but when I think now, it just seems so wrong, like it was what people expected from us, but not what we wanted for real, you know?” He nods. “Ebb and the goats were another point on my list, I loved to talk to her and help her with the goats. I still can't believe she is dead.” I shake my head and try not to cry. 

“I’m sorry.” He reaches for my hand.

“Well, the other two things were my magic and the Mage.” I shrug. “I used to think that no one would love magic as I loved. Not my magic specifically, but magic, being surrounded by magic was the best thing in my life.” I don’t want to talk about the mage so I stop talking.

“Thank you for telling me.” He squeezes my hand. “So, I was not on the list?” He asks, but I recognize his tone and I know he is joking.

“Not directly.” He frowns and I blush. “Well, a lot of these things reminded me of you, now I think it’s why I kept some of the items on it until eight-year.” He smiles a bit. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that roast beef was one of my favourite foods and it became a deeper conversation.” I laugh a bit. 

“Let’s cook then, I guess you are starving.” I appreciate him changing the subject. 

“Indeed, I am.” I laugh again and we start to cook.

Baz starts to cook and I try to help, but only make a mess. So, I keep eating some snacks while he cooks and tells me a few things about his family and us. 

When the dinner is almost ready, Baz leaves to set the table and asks me to stay in the kitchen. Some minutes later, he comes to pick me up, he hands me my coat and I frown, but he just tells me to put it. 

Then, he helps me to go to the table that was set on the porch, outside the living room. The view is stunning and I can see that the place was bigger than I imagine. I sit in a comfortable chair, with a glass of wine that was already waiting for me.

"Wait here for a minute, I'll take our dinner." He says, already leaving.

I look at the table, smiling when I notice the details, the candles that help to illuminate the place, the colourful flowers that make the table even more beautiful, all the fancy plates, and the delicious wine. And of course, the amazing stars in the sky.

"Here," Baz appears also wearing a coat. "I hope you liked it." He puts my plate in front of me and then sits, with his plate. 

"This is awesome. The place is amazing." I look to the stars and back to him. "Thank you." I reach for his hand across the table.

And then, I remember one of my dreams. Baz and I are sitting on his bed, holding hands. I give my magic to him and he turns our room into a galaxy. I am lost in the middle of stars, in the middle of his grey eyes, and at that moment we are just two boys holding hands and seeing something magnificent.

"Simon?" Baz's voice brings me back to our dinner. "Are you okay?" He sounds worried.

"Yeah." I try to smile. "Just got lost in my thoughts sorry." I drink a bit of wine. "Let's taste then." He nods.

We started to eat our dinner, that was delicious, and when I look at the sky again, when I see the stars, my mind goes to another moment.

Baz and I are laying down in the back of Shep's truck seeing the stars. My arms are around him and we are pressed against each other. Shoulder against shoulder. Knee against knee. I feel how much I missed being close to him. I don't know from which Simon is this thought.

I point to some stars before turning to him and ask if I could kiss him. I feel my heart beating so strong inside me. And I want to tell Baz. Say the words I didn't dare yet. I want to keep him there with me, his lips against my lips. His body pressed on mine. Our hearts tied together. 

In a second I am back to the present. Our dinner under the stars. I want to tell Baz about the things I just remember, somehow I know it was not just something I dreamed or I imagined. I know it was my memory. Our memory.

But I don't want to say right now, because I want to enjoy this. The dinner that  _ my husband  _ prepared for us. The way he keeps glancing at me and smiling when I say something nice about this night. The way he makes me fall in love all over again, making my heart even stronger inside my chest, knowing that it always belonged to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we are close to the end, but probably I'll extend the story to one more chapter, so I think we will have seven chapters, but I'm still not sure.  
> Tell me what you're thinking of the chapter and the story so far.  
> Thank you to everyone who is reading the story and interacting, I'm loving the comments and kudos, keep it coming.  
> See you soon ;)


	6. Chapter 06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I extended one chapter because I change a few things at what I wanted in the end, so this is not the last chapter yet. So, enjoy ;)

Chapter 06

**Baz**

I'm staring at the ceiling for the last hour and I can't sleep. I can hear Simon's breathing in the room next to mine and it makes me want to be there with him.

We are still sleeping in different rooms, but that's okay because I know he needs his space and time. But it doesn't mean that I don't miss it. Having him close to me, in my arms.

I don't know if I'm ever going to have that again. Our relationship changed in the last days, but not to anything romantic, I think. I think we are friends, and if that's the only thing that Simon wants from me then it's fine.

I mean, it's not fine, but at least I will have a part of him, and I already lost so many parts that I don't want to lose anything else. I can't lose him. He's what gives a reason to my life. The life we build together is everything I dreamed of my entire life.

I toss around the bed, not able to shut my brain down. I try to close my eyes and think about something good. Of course, Simon is the first thing who appears in my mind. And I just keep thinking about how much I want to hold him, to feel the heat coming from his skin, to feel his curls between my fingers and his lips against mine.

It's very hard not to kiss him. Back in Watford, it was easier because I never had kissed him before, but now I know the feeling, the taste of his lips, and I hate that I can't have it again. 

I don't think he will feel anything for me again, not romantically at least. I never understood why he fell in love with me the first time, so I certainly don't think it will happen again. 

I can't help thinking about those years when I thought he was about to break up with me (and he really was), and how awful it was. To know how it was to have him but to lose him anyway.

Now it's worse. I don't just dream about our future together. I know how it is, for real. How is it to wake up every day by his side, with him curled around me. How is it to be able to talk about everything without fear of what he can say. How is it to kiss him every time I want to, and be together, body and soul. 

I know exactly how the 'perfect' life is. I had it. And I lost it.

I don't know how long it takes, but eventually, I do fall asleep, still thinking about those blue eyes, bronze curls, and a bright smile.

My dreams are foggy and messed. I dream about Watford and a lot of things happen there, it's very confusing, but I know that at the end of the dream I had my happy ending. With Simon, of course.

His voice is what wakes me. His curses actually. It's not loud, so I imagine he's not in the room beside mine anymore. I leave the bed, change my clothes, and lose another good twenty minutes only in the bathroom, fixing my hair.

When I'm ready, I go after Simon's noises and the delicious smell that must be coming from the kitchen. I find him, making what I think is pancakes (and a mess).

"I think something exploded here," I say when I enter the kitchen. 

Simon jumps with my voice and almost spills the ingredients at the counter.

"How can you be so silent?" He asks, but he is smiling. 

"Practice." I shrug and go to his side. "Had a good night of sleep?"

"Yeah, and you?" I only nod, not wanting to talk about how thinking about him and us, made me turn over the bed for too long.

"What are you doing?" I point to the counter.

"I saw these pancake recipes and wanted to try. You made dinner, I will make breakfast." He smiles. "Or I am trying to." 

I am about to say that his pancakes will be good when my phone rings.

"It's Fiona," I say. "I'll be right back." Simon nods to me and goes back to our breakfast. 

"Where are you?" These are her first words to me.

"Hello, Fiona, how are you? It's been some time since you called, I hope you are okay with all your work. I'm great, thanks for asking, now what was your question?" I almost can hear her rolling her eyes.

"We don't need all this bullshit. Where are you?"

"I'm in the family's cottage, why?"

"I'm in front of your flat. Why are you in the cottage? And where is Snow?"

"With me, actually now he is in the kitchen, and I need a reason to come here?" She laughs.

"I knew that soon enough you both would be shagging and being insufferable." She keeps laughing.

"Fiona." I look around to check if Simon didn't hear. What is ridiculous because he doesn't have a super hearing. "We are not … doing that." I don't want to say the words to her. "We are friends, I think."

"Oh yes, sure, friends." Her tone is sarcastic.

"I mean it, Simon doesn't have his memories or feelings back. He is just being nice, we are not a couple right now, and maybe will never be again." I almost whisper the last part.

"Don't start with this again." I open my mouth to answer, but she cuts me. "Hear me first boyo, actually answer me first, why are you two in there?" 

"Simon wanted to go on a date, so I thought here would be a nice place and brought him yesterday."

"He asked to go on a date with you and you believe he is just being nice?" She makes me feel a dumbass. 

"I -" I thought about that, but the truth is that I don't want to have my hopes up. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I won't bear to think that I have Simon again, only to lose him one more time. 

I hear Fiona sighing on the other side of the line.

"Look, I know you don't believe that you can make him fall for you again, but this is a good sign. He asked to go out, he wanted to go on a date with you. And probably because he really wanted, not because he thought he had to." 

"I don't know. Maybe he thought he didn't have another option, knowing we are married."

"Do you, knowing him better than anyone, really think that he would just accept your relationship and suggest a date only because he thinks he doesn't have another option? If he didn't feel anything for you, he would find another way, even if it was living with Bunce again, Snow is quite stubborn." 

"Maybe." She huffs on the other side. "I just don't want to have my hopes up," I confess. "But I try to be more positive."

"Yeah, that's the attitude I want to see, but maybe with a little more enthusiasm." I roll my eyes.

"And what are you doing in my flat?" I start to walk back to the kitchen.

"I wanted to see you, before leaving again, but now I know you are in a much better place." I feel the smirk in her voice. "I'll see you when I get back."

"Okay, take care, and once you come back I'll make dinner for you."

"Great. Watch for the numpties, and stop thinking so hard." Then she hangs up. 

I walk back to the kitchen at the same time Simon puts the last pancake on the plate.

“Right on time.” He says, smiling at me. “Fiona is back?” 

“Yeah, but she is already leaving for another country again.”

"Oh, already?" 

"Yeah, but don't ask me where she never tells me anything." He shrugs.

"Can we go outside after breakfast? I want to see the rest of this cottage, as you call." He rolls his eyes.

"But it is a cottage, it's just a big one." It's my time to shrug. "And yes, let's finish here and I'll take you outside."

We finish our breakfast in some minutes, and then I take Simon outside to see what he wants. We walked for some minutes, with me telling Simon some things about the place, my family and our wedding. 

He is quiet for a while and that worries me. I don't know if talking about our wedding is upsetting him. 

"Everything okay?" I ask him, and he looks at me. "You got quiet." He seems to think before he says.

"I am having weird dreams." He looks away. "I almost don't remember anything when I wake up, but I think I'm dreaming about my memories." 

"What?" I stop walking, making him stop too.

"I didn't want to tell any of you and give empty hopes, but I think I am remembering something." He makes us sit on a bench. "The dreams didn't make me remember anything, I still can't remember them when I wake up. But yesterday I remembered two memories. At least I think it was." I take his hand.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen." He nods.

"You were in both memories so you might tell me if it was real." 

"Okay." I'm anxious. 

"In the first memory, we were in Watford, sitting in your bed. I think I shared my magic with you somehow -"

"And we created a galaxy." I smile with that memory and with the fact that he remembered.

"It was real then?" He smiles too while I nod. "In the second one was just the two of us again, but we were in the back of a truck and we were watching the stars." I smile again. 

I loved that memory. That little hope I had, that not everything was lost, that at least a bit of Simon was still mine.

"It happened in America, in the middle of our dangerous adventure." I shake my head not wanting to remember the rest of the trip.

“So, it was memories? Not just something I made up?” I shake my head and he smiles. “Good, I thought it was, it seemed so real, but I was afraid that it was just my imagination.”

“Both memories are quite real, and really special moments.” I squeeze his hand and he squeezes it back.

“It felt special.” He blushes a bit. “Baz, I -” He starts to say something, but his phone rings. “It’s Penny.” He says but doesn’t pick it up.

“I’m gonna start to make something for us to eat.” He gives me a short nod. 

I leave the bench, and keep thinking about what Simon just told me. I don’t want to keep my hopes high only to get disappointed. And I don’t want Simon to feel pressured to remember something. Of course, I would love it if he remembered everything, but it’s okay if he doesn’t. I’m still gonna love him.

I really just wanted him to love me back again. 

**Simon**

I look at my phone for some seconds before I pick it up.

"Hey, Pen." 

"Hi, are you okay? Your voice sounds weird." She sounds worried.

"I'm fine, I'm just thinking about some things." 

"How was your date last night?" I hear the smile in her voice.

"I think it's still happening." I laugh. "Baz brought me to the cottage of his family. He said it was where we got married." 

"This place is amazing, and Baz certainly knows how to plan a date, right?"

"Yeah, he does." I want to tell Penny about the discovery of my feelings, but I can't find the words. "Penny," I start. "I'm confused." She sighs.

"It's normal to be feeling that way. And I know it's still awkward to you, being in the company of Baz, and living with him, feeling what your past self felt. Just give more time Si, Baz never would pressure you to feel something, and I know that soon enough everything will be right on tracks again." 

"No, you got it wrong." I shake my head although she can't see me. "I'm not confused because I don't feel anything, I'm confused because I'm feeling too much," I explain.

"What do you mean?" She sounds excited.

"It's been some time that I knew already that I didn't hate Baz as I first thought. But lately, everything got confusing, but at the same time it's not confusing, which leaves me more confused than ever." She laughs. "I just know that I miss him when he goes to work, and I always am happier when he comes home. Our conversations are the best part of my day, and lately, I can't stop thinking about how it would be to kiss him." I feel the heat on my cheeks. "But it was only yesterday that everything got clear for me. I remembered two important moments for us, and something inside me just clicked. I think I'm in love with him."

"Si, that's huge, you got to tell him. Baz needs to know that." She laughs.

"I just told him actually, about the memories, not the feelings." 

"So, go now and tell him. He has been sad since you had the accident, and after you woke up he was still sad for thinking that you would never love him again. That you would walk away from him."

"I can't tell him now Pen."

"Why not?"

"Because he'll think that it's only because of the memories. And I know it's not. Of course, remembering those moments was great, but now that I can think about it, I always loved him."

"Simon, that's insane. Baz just wants your love, it doesn't matter from where it comes from. Just think about it for some time if you have to." I nod.

"Okay." 

"I have to go, I just called to know how the date had been, but I've got far better news." She laughs and I smile with that. "Think about what I said, and don't worry, you both are made for each other, I'm sure that everything will be alright." Her words make my heart warmer. 

"Thank you, Pen." We give our goodbyes and she hangs up.

I take a few minutes before standing from the bench. But when I put the crutch on the floor something pops into my mind.

It's not quite a memory, I think. I don't remember anything, like last night. It's not like the dreams I had either. It's just a few words that are in my head. 

I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on the words. And then, I listen to Baz's voice inside my head talking to me.

_ So, I need you to listen to me right now, okay?  _

I don't know how but I feel his hand on mine. I feel the way his voice trembles, and I know he is about to cry.

_ You need to wake up.  _

_ I need you.  _

_ You're my world. My life.  _

I feel my tears burning my eyes with his words. With the urgency of it. The intensity of it.

_ You can't leave me.  _

I feel Baz's cold skin against mine like he was right here and I feel when he starts to sob. It's almost like he was in front of me telling me those things, touching me.

_ I love you, more than anything _ .

I open my eyes, but I barely see anything with the tears blurring my sight. I sit on the bench again, absorbing and trying to understand Baz's words.

Probably he said that when I was in a coma. Asking me to come back. Telling me how he felt. 

Since Penny told me that Baz and I were married, it was easier to see that he really loves me. But I think I just truly believed and felt it right now, remembering those words. Feeling the fear in his voice when he was asking me to not leave him.

Feeling the love, the intensity of his love, in each word he said to me. And that leaves me terrified. In a good way, of course. In a great way. 

I never have been loved like that in my life. I know Penny loves me, but it's different. With Baz everything it's different. His love is stronger, deeper, and makes me feel so good. 

And I technically had that for the last eight years. How lucky am I? I always wanted to be loved, and now I was. More than I ever dreamed.

I let myself laugh at the sky, thinking about how this happened. How the boy that I always thought that hated me, actually was the one that most loved me? 

Each second I think more about this, I feel my heart beating stronger in my chest. And I know that even though I don't remember anything (or something close to that) of the last years, my love for Baz was always there. Always here, in my heart. And I couldn't ever forget that.

No brain injury was strong enough to make me forget. Not for too long. I love Baz with all my heart, I felt his words, and I know I feel the same. He is my world. 

Thinking about living without Baz is terrifying. I want to spend the rest of my days by his side, feeling this love all the time. 

I just have to find the words to say it. 

We spend the whole afternoon watching movies and eating. I didn't find a way of telling Baz about my feelings yet, but I want to. I want to be able to kiss him and to feel him against me. His hand on mine. His arms around me.

During all the movies we watched I kept my head on his shoulder, just to be closer to him. To feel his skin making mine less hot.

Baz cooks dinner and I make scones for dessert and then I go to my room, while Baz leaves to hunt and drink. 

I'm already in bed but I can't sleep. I'm not feeling comfortable for some reason. I stand and leave the room passing through Baz's room when I see the bag he brought on top of the bed. 

I don't know exactly what I want or what I'm looking for, but I open the bag and see some clothes in there, mine and Baz's. I take a t-shirt that I know it's his and look at it.

His familiar scent comes to me, and I close my eyes feeling at home. I decided to sleep in his t-shirt and put it back on the bag the clothes that I took off. But something falls from Baz's jacket and it catches my attention.

It was my ring. I know it's mine because Baz uses his. I take the golden ring in my hands and see inside a date with his name on the side.

Baz carries my ring around it, and he never gave it to me, probably not wanting to pressure me. But I take it and put it back at the place where it always belonged.

Feeling much lighter, I go back to the room, and put on Baz's t-shirt, being much more comfortable with the ring on my finger and Baz's scent around me.

I sleep minutes after, and soon enough I start to dream. 

**Baz**

I lay down on the bed, wanting to sleep as fast as I can. But of course, I can't. The whole day I kept thinking about what Simon told me and hoping that he would remember the rest of his memories. That he could remember his feelings. 

Just like the other nights, I toss around the bed, trying to find a comfortable position, but it's hard to be comfortable without Simon. I was so used to sleeping with him around me, or me around him that it was weird not having him with me.

When I'm almost finally sleeping, Simon screams making me jump off the bed and run to his room. Once I open the door, I see him sitting in the middle of the bed, tears running across his face. His breathing is uneven and his hands are shaking.

"Simon, what happened?" I sit by his side and put my arm around him. At the same moment, he leans into me, laying his head on my shoulder.

"Just a nightmare." His voice is low. "But it was so real." I feel him shaking against me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He starts to shake his head but stops.

"I don't remember too much of it, but maybe it could be another memory." I think about what moment it could be. "First, I thought I was alone, but there were some cars close to me, and then I saw some weird people with guns pointed to me." My heart clenches, knowing exactly what memory it was. "I had wings and tried to fly, I think, but they shot at me and I felt." This time I tremble and remember vividly of that day.

"It happened." My voice is only a whisper, but I think he heard me. "It happened in America." We stay in silence for some seconds, and then Simon keeps talking. 

"After that, I was on the floor and more people appeared, and you appeared, but everything started to burn and I was so afraid that you could burn." He gets even closer to me and I hold him tighter. "What happened in America? Why did that happen?" I sight.

"Sometimes I wish we could just erase those days forever. It was a nightmare."

"Why?"

"Penny made a plan of going there to visit her boyfriend and Wellbelove. And also to get you out of the flat. At first, it seemed to work, you clearly were happier, having fun for the first time in months." It was great to see him smiling that way after spending so much time not seeing it. "But then, in our first stop, things already started to get bad, Penelope got dumped by her boyfriend and Agatha was on the other side of the country and it wasn't picking it up Penny's call." 

"Something was wrong with her?" He asks me.

"At first she was just ignoring us, but she got involved with some weird people and with Shep's help we found out that she was about to be used by a super creepy experience. Some vampires created a kind of a brand and they were getting famous, they wanted to use genetics to make vampires who could do magic."

"Like you." He lifts his head.

"Yeah, but worse, of course. Anyway, we went after someone who could help us to find Agatha and we met Lamb." I feel the anger rising inside my chest when I remember what he did. And how I blindly trusted in him and almost got Simon killed. "We later found out that he was kinda the king of vampires, you didn't trust him, but for some dumb reasons, I did. He promised he would help us to get Agatha and we would help him to destroy those vampires." I stop for a second.

"What happened?" 

"We were mad at each other, because of a thousand reasons and you left with Penny to execute a part of the plan, I couldn't go because I was hiding the fact I was a magician from Lamb. Anyway, when you and Penny got in there you realized it was a trap and soon Penny was taken away with Agatha and they shot at you."

"My dream." I nod.

"Once I realized what was happening everything collapsed. Lamb was an ally of the vampires and just wanted to deliver you and Penny to them. I was only safe because they didn't know I had magic too. I let myself go with Lamb to where you were and couldn't take my eyes off you. The picture of you lying on the ground still haunts me." I confess to him. "Now, it's tied with the accident." He takes my hand.

"After that what happened?" I'm not looking at Simon, but I know he's looking at me.

"We won somehow. I was very relieved when I heard your voice again, even if you were very hurt after that." 

"I'm always hurt." He shrugs but then looks down, at our joined hands. "I thought you were about to burn." His voice trembles a bit, and I can hear his concern. "It seemed so real. I could feel that I was hurt, I even could smell the things burning." He was worried about me. 

"Yeah, I told you. It was a nightmare." He lays back on my shoulder. "You should try to sleep again." He nods against me. 

I rub his arms, and I feel him squeezing my hand. I'm about to stand and leave when he stops me.

"Sleep here. Please." He says looking at me. His red cheeks make me want to kiss him. 

"I'm - Are you sure?" I would accept in a heartbeat, but I didn't want to leave him uncomfortable.

"Yeah, please, I don't want to be alone." I nod, of course, that after this dream he would want someone. "I want you here." I can't explain what these words do with me and my heart. 

"Okay." I don't allow myself to smile and to hope. 

I start to stand again, and Simon pulls me and when I look at him he is frowning.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Just to turn the lights off." He blushes again, and this time I smile a bit.

He lets me go while I turn the lights off and then I go back to bed. To Simon. Surprisingly, when I lay down in bed, Simon doesn't stay away, he comes closer to me and lay down on my chest.

"This is okay?" He asks with a low voice.

"Yes, Simon. It's more than okay." I kiss his hair and he seems to relax.

"Goodnight, Baz." He whispers.

"Goodnight, love," I whisper too. I don't know if he heard it, because a minute later his breathing is calm again and I know he is sleeping.

I just stare at the ceiling for some minutes, feeling Simon's breathing on my chest. Feeling the heat of his skin and his arm around me. It has been so long since I was this comfortable.

I run my fingers through his hair not wanting to sleep yet. To enjoy this moment, enjoy the fact that Simon was in my arms again. And he wanted this.

Only then I noticed that he was wearing my t-shirt. I even can't think too much about it because I take Simon's hand and interlace our fingers, and when I do this I feel something cold that makes me look down. 

He was wearing his ring. I don't know how he found it, but he was wearing it. His wedding ring. I smile in the dark and kiss his hair again.

What does that mean? Does he want to be married to me? Can I hope that he will fall in love with me again?

I allow myself to hope, but just a little bit.

But I could think about that some other time, now I just want to enjoy the feeling and the sight of having my beautiful chosen one asleep in my arms again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost in the end, so tell me what you are thinking so far?  
> I appreciate all the comments and kudos, thank you all.  
> I'll try not to take too long to post the last chapter, but I can't promise anything because these next days I'll be very busy, but I'll try.  
> Thank you, to everyone, who is still reading, see you soon ;)


	7. Chapter 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to the last chapter?  
> Enjoy ;)

Chapter 07

**Simon**

I wake up and see that I’m exactly in the same position I went to sleep. At Baz's arms, my head in his chest and his arms around me. I'm happy I asked him to stay, it was the most comfortable night I had since I woke up in the hospital.

I don't want to leave, but I need to go to the bathroom so, slowly I leave Baz on the bed and go to the bathroom. Once I come back Baz is already awake and is leaving the bed.

"Hey," he says when he sees me. "Are you okay?" I nod.

"Yeah, I'm great." I smile. "The nightmare it's just a nightmare, and it's in the past."

"Good then." He smiles too.

"What time do we have to go back?" 

"Soon. I have to see some things for the class tomorrow and if you really want to work you have to rest." I nod again. I had told Baz that I thought I was ready to go back to the bakery, at least for some hours. 

"Okay, but it's a shame though, this place is amazing. Maybe we can go back more often." Baz's smile makes me forget everything else. 

“Yeah, we definitely can.” I smile too.

“I’ll make our breakfast then, and we can leave.” I don't wait for his answer and just leave him in the room.

Two hours later we already are in the car, on our way home. I'm gonna miss this weekend and the cottage. But that's okay because now I'll start to plan on telling Baz about my feelings. 

But I still don't know how to do it. Should I tell about my feelings first or should I kiss him and only then tell about the feelings?

I keep thinking about that the entire way back home and before I realize we are at home. 

"As good as is to stay there, it's great to come home," I say when we enter the flat, making Baz smile.

"It's great to see that you're feeling like that." He looks embarrassed and if he had enough blood I know he would blush. "That this is your home too."

Before I could reply, my phone started to ring.

"It's Penny," I say to Baz before picking up the call. "Hey, Pen."

"Hey, Si. You're already at home?" I'm glad she didn't say anything about my last conversation with her, I'm sure Baz would listen.

"Yeah, we just got here." 

"Okay, so maybe this would leave you or Baz uncomfortable," I see Baz frowning lightly. "But Agatha got here this morning. She was travelling last month and just heard about your accident, so she came here and wants to see you both." Baz tenses it up.

"Okay," I look at Baz and see that he is doing his best to pretend that he was not listening. "I think we will stay for the rest of the day at home, come when it's best for you."

"Are you sure you are okay?" I see Baz is interested in my answer.

"Of course Pen, Agatha is our friend right?" 

"Okay, we'll be there soon." She hangs without saying goodbye. 

"So," I start, looking at Baz. "Agatha showed up at Penny's, she heard about the accident just now and wants to see us. Penny will bring her here." He nods, but I can see he's still tense.

"Okay, I will put these in our room." He's not looking at me and leaves before I could say something.

Why was he acting weird now? Could it be that he is jealous of Agatha? It doesn't make sense to me, but maybe to him, it does. I guess it is a bit weird to receive the ex-girlfriend of your husband at your house. 

I decided to not think too much about it now and started to make an apple pie because baking clears my head and I wanted to have something to serve my guests.

Baz comes back after some minutes and I ask him to cut the apples for me. He still looks weird, but I want him to know that I want him helping me, by my side. 

Some minutes after I put the pie in the oven, and right after, they are here. Baz looks tenser than before but pretends he's okay and goes open the door.

"Penelope, Wellbelove." He greets them inviting them. 

"Hey, Baz," Agatha says hugging him. "You look great." She turns to me and I see that she still looks beautiful, as she always did. "Simon." She smiles at me and comes on my way hugging me too. "I was so worried when I heard about the accident." 

I listen to her words and feel her arms around me, but that's all. I am glad to see her again but as my friend. When I look at her, like I am right now I don't feel anything different. Not like when I look at Baz. With him, everything is different.

"I'm okay now," I say when she steps back to look at me. 

I see that both Penny and Baz were looking at us weirdly. And I feel that Baz is still worried and tense, so I want to show to him that I won't want to go back to Agatha. 

"Penny told me that the accident was very bad." She looks between Baz and me.

"Yeah, we can say that." I huff a laugh. "Let's sit." 

Agatha sits at the armchair, and Penny goes to the sofa. I started to go to the sofa too, but I put my hand on Baz's arm, asking him to help me to go there. I didn't need it, but I wanted him to know that I wanted him by my side.

"So, your memories are gone?" Agatha asks when we sit.

"Yeah, some of it at least. But I remembered a few things already, maybe with time I'll remember everything." She smiles.

"And how are you feeling?" 

"I'm okay, the arm and the ribs are a lot better now, and I almost don't feel pain on my leg." I lean a bit to Baz. "But tell me about you, Penny said you are always travelling, where were you last?" Her smile gets wider.

"I was in Australia for the last two months, and actually I have some news." 

"And you didn't tell me?" Penny yells at my side.

"I was hoping to see you all so I would only have to tell you once." She keeps smiling with Penny's impatience. "I met someone."

Baz visibly relaxes at my side. Agatha and Penny don't seem to notice, I guess they don't pay much attention to Baz as I do.

"Really? That's great." Penny vibrates at my side. "But tell us everything." I nod agreeing with Penny and smiling too.

"Well, we met in my first week in Australia, she was travelling around the country like me."

"She?" Penny asks the same thing that was at my mind, and for Baz's expression at his too.

"Yes," She blushes a bit. "Well, I think now it's the moment where I tell you that I'm pansexual." She smiles again. "It took me a while but I am very glad that I resolved the mess that was in my head."

"It is very good to know who you are," Baz says.

"It is. But anyway, I met Kylie and it was easier to understand."

"Where is she now?" I ask.

"She stayed there, I just came to see you both, next week I am going back there, and if everything works as we plan, we'll come back here in May."

"Great, we'll love to meet her." I smile at her.

"She wants to meet you all too, I talk a lot about our adventures."

"She's a magician?" Penny asks.

"Yes, but she doesn't care about it, just like me."

It's impossible not to be happy with Agatha's happiness and even Baz starts to talk and smile more. I guess he was jealous but just like I thought before, it didn't make any sense. My heart belongs to him. As it always did.

**Baz**

It's dark already when Agatha and Penelope leave our place. I admit that I was extremely worried about this visit. Simon might be wearing his ring again and being nice and all, but what if he saw Agatha and realized he was in love with her all at long?

He has more memories with her than with me now. He could think he was in love with her. But luckily he didn't. He was happy to see her, but I know him, it was just that. He was happy about seeing his friend.

After she told us about her new girlfriend it was easier to relax and to stop freaking out thinking that she came here to steal my husband. And I realized that I was acting like a fool. 

We have dinner some minutes later, and Simon goes to shower while I clean the plates and drink my blood. When I finish I keep thinking about the signs that he gave it to me in the last days.

I truly didn't want to expect too much, but something was happening. He slept with my shirt last night, and asked me to stay with him, he slept curled with me, and it was remembering important moments of our lives. When he woke up scared with the memory of him being shot, he said he was worried about me in the dream. And of course, he was wearing his wedding ring again.

And all the days before that he was acting nicer and caring. At first, I thought he was just feeling pity for me, but now I'm not sure. He likes touching me, holding my hand, or laying on my shoulder. He liked hearing about how we got together, even if it surprised him a bit. 

My thoughts are interrupted when Simon opens the bathroom door. He smiles when he sees me and then he goes to our room, leaving me with my thoughts. I take a shower after, trying to plan something to say to him, to expose my feelings. I know that he probably knows that, but also, now I know I can’t assume anything. He needs to hear from me. Back when we were dating our biggest problems was communication. I loved him, he loved me, but neither of us said anything.

Once I am out of the bathroom I decide that maybe it would be best if I just tell him some other day. I don’t want him to think that I’m just saying nice things because his ex was here today and I’m jealous. I was. But I’m not now.

When I get in our room, I see Simon already laid on the bed, seeing something on his phone, I stop by the door and look at him for some seconds before saying anything.

“Hey,” he looks up when I start speaking. “big day tomorrow, right?” He smiles and nods. “Are you sure you are ready to stay all day at the bakery?”

“Yeah, I need to go somewhere else than here. I’m getting tired of these walls.” He keeps his smile. “If I get tired, I promise I’ll take a cab or something, and will come home.” It’s my time to nod.

“Okay, and if you need something, just call me.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’ll leave you to rest then, goodnight.” I start to turn.

“Don’t.” I turn back to him. “You don’t need to sleep in the other room.” He blushes and rubs the back of his neck, and it’s so lovely that I almost go there and kiss him. “I thought that you could sleep here, this is your room too.”

“That’s okay, I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“I will be comfortable with you here.” He seems to be wanting to say something, and then he sighs.

He stands and starts to jump in my direction, but I go to him, not wanting him to hurt that leg anymore.

“Baz,” He takes my hands and looks at me. “I know that I didn't react the best way when I woke up, and I was not treating you well those first days,” I start to shake my head, but he keeps talking. “and I’m very sorry for that. I had so much in my mind that I was being an asshole with you, stop shaking your head. It's true, I treated you very badly and you were sad and kept trying to help me.”

“Simon, of course, the whole situation messed with me, but I understand, you woke up and everything was upside down. I don’t blame you, not after everything I did back in Watford.”

“That stays in the past.” He smiles a bit. “But I wanted to tell you another thing actually.” That’s it. He’s gonna say that he wants to be only my friend. “My first reaction when Penny told me that we were together was to doubt it and be in shock, but then everything started to make sense to me. Why I was so obsessed with you in school, and why you were on basically all my thoughts.” He laughs, and I laugh with him. 

“Well, you were in all my thoughts,” I say to him. “You always are.” I brush his cheek with my knuckles and he closes his eyes.

“In the last few days, I’m feeling different.” He looks at me. “I like our flat, but I don’t like to be here without you. I’m always happier when you come home, and I love our conversations. I like to discover the new aspects of our lives.” He squeezes my hand and I think my heart may burst. “What I’m trying to say, it’s that I love you. I always did, and I don’t want you to think it was because of the memories, I already knew I loved you before that. I love you so much.” It’s my time to close my eyes and just listen to those words that I never thought I would hear again. I feel tears falling from my eyes. And feel Simon’s fingers wiping it out. “I’m sorry it took me this long to say something -” He was saying something but I already heard what I needed.

So, I just look at those amazing blue eyes, and lean in his direction, taking his lips on mine, and finally feeling at home again. 

At first, he hesitates, but just for a bit, probably because I surprised him. But then, his fingers go to my hair and he kisses me back and it’s like heaven. His lips taste exactly as I remembered, and he’s so warm that I feel like I’m burning, but I don’t care.

I can’t believe I have him in my arms again. Feeling his body pressed against mine, and his lips on my lips. I can’t believe I have all of this again.

**Simon**

This is home. 

It is the only thing I can think when Baz presses his lips against mine. My mind stops working for some seconds until I react and hold him against me. 

How did we take so long to do this? How I ever thought in my life that I could hate him? 

His lips are cold, but it's perfect for me. And his arms are keeping me standing, and that's good because I really could fall if Baz was not holding me. 

I can't let him go. Not after knowing how it is. After knowing what I was missing. I just want more of him, more of his taste, more of his skin. 

And then something crosses my mind, making me smile.

I am married to him. 

We are bonded with each other. And I love this. 

I love him.

Eventually, we have to stop kissing, because unfortunately, we need air. But I don't let him go completely. I let my forehead touch him, feeling his hair between my fingers and his breath close to mine.

"Come on, let's sit here, you're already pushing too much on this leg." He says making me roll my eyes and laugh.

"You're very protective, you know that?" I say but sit on the bed with him by my side.

"Can you blame me?" He says but laughs too.

We stare at each other for some seconds, and then Baz is touching my lips and my cheeks, unfortunately not with his lips. 

"You know, when we were at Watford, I used to look at you and dream about this, and force myself to face reality. To face the fact that we were enemies, and my dreams would be only dreams. I thought that we would end in flames." He looks at his hand and then to my eyes. "When we got together, I was sure that I was dreaming, and then I was sure that we wouldn't last. That someday you would wake up and realize that you didn't like me, that we were a mistake. That I was a mistake." I see his eyes glinting, and I'm almost sure he is almost crying.

He stopped talking for some time, but I know he didn't finish yet. 

"I told you that, after everything that happened with the Mage and your magic, you were in a bad place, and we were in a bad place. We almost broke up back then. I was sure you wanted to break up with me because you didn't want me, and I wanted to have the courage to do it, so I could free you, but I was too selfish. And you were sure that I was with you, only because I had made a promise and that I didn't mean it anymore, so you wanted to break up with me, because you thought I didn't dare to do it."

"Clearly we were idiots." He huffs a laugh.

"Clearly. But back then, I didn't know you loved me, and you didn't know I loved you. And we never talked, and almost lost this, because we just didn't sit and talked." He sighs. "I don't want to do that anymore, I almost lost you enough times now, and I learned my lesson." He turns to me and cups my cheeks. "I love you Simon, more than anything in this world. Life without you it's not life." It's his time to clean my tears. "I love you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives remembering you of that."

This time I kissed him, and I never thought kissing someone could feel like this. Like we belong with each other. Like we complete ourselves, and like the universe makes sense right now. 

His lips taste exactly like I thought it would, maybe some part of my memory, recognizes it, and now all of the parts ask for more. 

When we were kids, I used to think that it was so easy to hate him and that my destiny was to kill Baz. Now, I know that my destiny was to love Baz and be loved by him. And really, that's nothing better or easier than that.

**Baz**

We are lying on the bed, and I can't remember when I was this happy. Simon and I are wrapped around each other, the best we can with his leg on the cast. His nose is at my neck and even though we have been quiet for a while, I know he's awake.

"Baz," he lifts his head and looks at me. "Would you mind if I never recover all my memories?" 

"Of course not. I would feel bad for you because I know that not remembering some things sucks, but that's okay. We can make new memories." I run my fingers through his hair that it's still growing.

"But I want to remember some things. Like the day we got together, our wedding, I really want to remember these moments." 

"Be patient. After the accident, we didn't have too much hope that you would remember a single thing and now you're dreaming and reliving some moments."

"Yeah. Maybe I'll dream of that tonight." He lays his head again. “While it doesn't happen, I’ll close my eyes and keep remembering both nights under the stars.” He kisses my neck. “And also today.” I look at him and see him smiling.

“I think I also can add this night to my list of special moments.” I kiss his forehead.

“You have a list?” He seems curious.

“Almost a list, basically it's just all the moments I had with you.”

“Even the bad ones?” 

“Especially the bad ones, the number one of my list it’s when we fought the chimaera in our fifth year.” He lifts his head again and gives a light slap on my arm.

“We fought it? You set the chimaera after me, I had to go off on it, and at the end, you even thank me for it, you only complained that I burned your eyebrows.” He tries to look mad but ends laughing. 

“What can I say? It was the only way I knew how to flirt with you.” I laugh too. Crowley, I was so dumb.

“That was flirting?” He puts his chin at my chest and keeps looking at me. “Thankfully, you improved a lot since then. You're flirting a lot better now.” I raise my eyebrow at him.

“A lot better?” He blushes, and it’s adorable.

“I used to think that I hated when you raised your eyebrow like that.” He traces my face with his fingers until he’s touching my eyebrows. “Now, I know I was just mad because you look very hot when you do that.” I smile at his words, and also with his red cheeks. 

“Only when I do that?” I provoke him, and it feels so good to be able to do that again. 

He seems to think about something to answer, but then just leans forward and kisses me. I still can’t believe I get to feel this again. That I get to have him again.

“All the time, really.” He says after breaking the kiss, and for a second I even forgot what we were talking about before. “Can I ask you something?” He looks down, at his hands.

“You may.” He rolls his eyes. 

“You were jealous of Agatha this afternoon?” He seems unsure of the question and I think about lying for a second, but I don’t want to hide anything from him. 

“At first yes.” I also look at his hands at my chest. “I thought that maybe you could relate your feelings to what you had back at Watford.” I shrug. 

“Baz.” He makes me look at him. “I’m sure I already must have said that before but, I never loved Agatha. Not like that. Like this.” He points to us. “I got my feelings wrong back then, you really have nothing to worry about.”

“I know that now.” He smiles.

“Well, then I think we should sleep because I want to dream with some great memories.” He leans again and kisses me. “I love you.” He says making me smile, still not believing that this is real.

“I love you too, Simon.” He kisses me one more time, before laying again.

“Goodnight, Baz.”

“Goodnight, love.” 

I close my eyes and feel a huge peace coming inside me, making me lighter, happier. 

We don’t know if Simon will ever recover his full memory, and if that doesn’t happen we’ll deal with it. I would be very glad if he did remember everything, but even if he didn't, I just want him to be happy, that’s the main goal of my life. Make sure that he is safe and happy. 

And now I know that it doesn’t matter what, that will happen by my side. And even if something happens, I know that together, we can face it. We can face anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it's over. I can't believe this fic it's over. I have been writing it since July, so it's really good to end it.  
> This fic was harder to write than the others, especially in the firsts chapters, I hated to put our beloved characters through so much angst, but I felt that in the end it whort it.  
> Thank you to everyone who read it, left kudos and amazing comments, I love it very much.  
> I hope to see more of you in my other fics that I'm already planning.  
> Thank you so much.  
> See you soon ;)

**Author's Note:**

> So, tell me what are your thoughts?  
> Should I continue this? The second chapter is half done, so I think it won't be long until I post it.  
> I really hope you are liking it.  
> See you soon ;)


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